14/6/02 I stopped writing this for ages now i've finaly updated it proberly wont last but i needed to write some stuff down

***I intend to produce a daily 'log' or diary about stuff that has happened every day. I will try not to censor stuff but sometimes it may be inevitable. I do not intend to offend anyone and if i do pls tell me and i will remove the offending material and apoligize***

Daily Log First Entry  22/4/01 19:05

MSN NAME: Your part of a time travel experiment that went alittle....kaka.

Woke up to my anoying alarm on my palmtop at 08:30, bashed it a bit before turning it off and fell asleep again. Woke up at 12ish and ate breakfast which consisted of 2 chocolate poptarts. Narrowly avoided going to see my gran(not nice thing to do I know but i'm simply not in the mood since I broke up with my girlfriend last week) Talked to a friend on the web who was upset about something, and surfed the web for a while looking for the lost in space movie theme tune(didn't find it). Gave up at about 2o-clock and jogged to the hospital for lunch only to find out i woz too late to go to the main resteraunt, had to go to the hospital cafe instead. Damn aol messanger has crashed when Emma(my x) is just on line typical. O just great now when it finnaly works she has gone off line! Anyway where woz I? Downloaded steppenwolf born to be wild and the old lost in space tv theme tune. Then got the idea to build this web page thing. Started to build it and hav been building it ever since.

Thoughts and stuff:

What is gonna happen between me and emma? What is goin on with my friend on line is he ok?

What is going on between me and another friend does this friend like me(as in like like)?

I want a milkshake.

Anyone else hate answering machines?

Daily Log Suplamental 19:48:

Ok just had phone conversation with Emma, I will be forever confused as to the motives of girls, just when I think i hav figured them out an unexpected twist happens and after the phone conversation(just as my computer is about to reconnect to the internet) the downstairs phone rings I pick it up press the hang up thing a few times to get the connection away from my computer and its Emma she says she is just ringing to say 'I love u'. This has put me in a dilemma as I know I still love Emma but will she do this dumping thing again? is she completly sure she loves me? Will it work over the distance(lives in scotland since start of easter)? is it realy worth it? What are my feelings over another girl I know? HELP!

Daily Log Suplamental 21:23:

Gettin tired, had loads of phone calls from Emma/ Me calling her seems that she may be able to go a wedding thing with me.Still hav to do 2 past papers for collage. Running out of doctor pepper!. NEEED COFFEE!!!!!!!!! Ok this songs cr*p next.......

Daily Log 23/4/01 19:26

Watched some startrek thing on video last night and fell asleep around 3am after doin no work at all! Never got up this morning(call it lazyness if u want), got up at 10am sorted out loads of books and stuff for collage and located my chemistry past paper thing but couldn't for the life of me find the maths one..oh well. Gotta think of some excuse why I missed maths this morn. Physics woz fun I suppose, I got there 10mins early so I wasted the time by reading some stuff about the NEAR probe on the notice board. Realitivly standard lesson learn't em....something erm thats it we learnt more stuff about speed vectors and stuff. Then went off to hospital for lunch(4th time in a row getting worried its becommin a habit) ate a gammon steak thing with chips and beans gammon was a bit tough. Woz extreamly depressed in chemistry when I found out I did not understand virtually anything Bob(our teacher person) woz goin on about. Karl(a friend) cheered me up tho and I woz soon gettin into trouble for talkin once more (things perked up at the end of the lesson coz I actually started to understand something!) New Scientist gone up to £1.10! Still gota do loads of work tonight including Angelas(biology teacher) preliminary thing for kiwi experiment(did ages ago unfortunatly we wern't actually aloud to eat any of the kiwi). Bob gave me some sheets to help me with my chem and Karl gave me the experiment sheet so I now know what I am writing up about! Zara just talking to me now so things might get a little off sentence or out of sync, people takin the p*ss coz I went to the movies with her (strictly a friend thing). Rang Emma again today but she woz out walkin someware she's gonna call me at 20:00 typical coz voyager part 2 of the hologram hirogen thing is on, looks like I hav to record it(no problem there got tonnes of tapes(like proberly near 100 by now record loads of films, sliders, startrek, buffy, angel, and loads of other stuff) Why am I tired??? Still uploading all my pictures for this site it says it'll take more than 20mins and I need to log off typicaly in less than that so looks like i'll hav to upload again later tonight (will I eva finnish uploading pics?) Still talkin to Zara by the way are these sentences actually correct or hav they all gone out of order and disjointed. Hmm someone just said sommat on msn that has made me a bit disapointed(can't say who or wot sorry) definatly sorted stuff out for me tho. K fin talkin with Zara. Incedently I've got my chair back to the monitor and i'm leading on the back of the chair typing on the keyboard without even looking at the keys(its completly amaizing me I didn't know I woz this good at touch typing(although I bet if I try to type normally later I won't be able to do it(sods law)). I knew Emma woz wrong about something she woz saying about Zara. Yawn (this is realy anoying I can't believe I'm tired(must be heat). 19:44 now, wow my cpu temp is up to 48 degrees C. 30mins left on download. Planetarion (on line space game thing in which u build up a planet and do research and stuff www.planetarion.com) server is running realy realy slow coz its only just restarted for the 4th running of the game and tonnes of people are signing up and stuff, spent 20mins earlier just trying to make it build a light factory(kept getting server error or page not found). O yeah and I bought another phone card today and I hav decided to go off the standard plan coz its costin me a fortune. Might write more later(where is everyone? noone on line(zara at band nicky on but every one else off!?! y?)  FUNNY THING TODAY!! PETER DUNNE my Physics teacher woz in class today and he had his belt on upside down and inside out, I mean I didn't even know u could fasson a belt inside out! Anyway back later (maybe) gonna get drink and set tape for voyager.

 Daily Log Suplamental 21:23

MSN Name: Why is life so complicated?

Oh dear.......thats all I can say. I hav best intentions but I always come out wrong, in this case too clingy i've just got Emma back and I'm worried that I might already be loosing her again. To put the record straight bye the way there is a rumor that Emma asked andrew to ask Zara to flirt with me, Emma swears that woz not the case or her intention and I believe her 100%. I complained to Emma that I couldn't talk to her for long enough and I'm afraid its proberly come out wrong, I obversly pushed too hard when I kept complaining then realy pushed too hard at the end when I kept repeating the same phrase 'I love u' because I simply wanted the answer since it means so much to hear it come from her. Anyway fingers crossed that Emma isn't having second thoughts although I bet she is someware in her mind, to be completly honest I don't know how much longer she could possibly 'put up with me' to put it simply I realy need to try extreamly hard never to complain and to take what we hav for being goodenough. I'm still tired, need more coffee! must do some work too, will leave uploading when I finally manage to reconnect to the web, also got to do this anoying C++ assignment which to put it extreamly bluntly 'I no longer giv a damn about' Why is life so complicated? And why can't I connect to the net????? Its realy bugging me. Anyway after the phone call with Emma I completly carmed down by watching the end of voyager (the bit I missed) on video. Gonna get more coffee in a sec(I wish I had one of those fabled replicaters or even a kettle and water supply in my room!) Ok, Ok just think normaly and logicaly and I'll be ok. Note gotta send Emma an email. Bye the way got back with emma on sunday she rang up after a call for about a min and said 'I love u' which shocked me, I've decided only to tell this now coz I definatly know that i'm back with Emma (for how long I don't know I want to stay together for ever) Been a few mins and I still cannot connect to the net! Gonna hav to turn the light on now coz I am ruining what is left of my eyesight. Gonna start an upload and do work after getting coffee when I finally get connected! May make additiional log later.

Daily Log Suplamental 21:41

Typical I always spill the coffee when I put it down on my computer desk thing after not spilling a drop on the way up stairs. Still not connected to the net! Starting to annoy me. Its Ironic I may end up loosing Emma because I'm trying to hold on to her too tightly. Still not connected! PARTY!!!!!!!!ONLINE AT 21:44!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daily Log Suplamental 23:05

Tried to work this planetarion banner thing for our galaxy but no luck. Hoping to be able to speak to Emma at midnight. Uploaded more of my site and built more. Hope a friend of mine is ok. Gonna watch a video now, must be awake at 03:00ish so i can start crystal extraction research on planetarion. lol. Gonna try and do some work after a video and a bit of rest. Hence will be logging off soon. Its around 30 degrees c in my room(system temp) Hmm intresting changed my msn name to grrrrr indeed(zara's name is grrr) and signed out then signed in(so name would change) and informed new msn version!(don't know what the point in putting that in but i did anyway) Gonna get more coffee now.........

MSN Name: grrrrrrrrr indeed.

Daily Log 24/4/01 19:18

MSN Name:Resistance is never futile

Got about 6hrs sleep last night. Had a realitivly boring day, cut up a heart in biology tho that woz partly intresting. Getting concerned about this foot and mouth thing supposidly going to humans. Planetarion account in trouble need to wait a total of 35.2 hrs until I can finally do crystal mining thing coz of a massive crystal shortage! Went to hospital today it woz italian Day I had a huge slice of peperomi pizza with garlic bread, chips and beans (way too much). Gotta do all that work I said I had to do on sunday right NOW!(first entery) will do vvvsoon after more coffee. Nout on tv at mo, just watched a video where this guy gives half of what he has won on the lottery to a waitress. Rang Emma she's out playing hide and seek!?! and i'm gonna hav to call back at 20:00ish. She is according to her mum supposed to hav sent me an email but she hasn't(hmm) guess its fair tho coz i never sent her one! been spending too much time writing this thing. Christine pluck (my maths teacher) wasn't very impressed with me for missing maths on monday. Did some distance calculations in physics using laws of motion. that woz partly intresting. Running window blinds again coz it makes windows look better. Gotta do some work soon. Fell asleep watching ace ventura 2 for the second night in a row and woke up at 2am, got into bed and fell asleep again. Still worrying over Emma does she realy still like me?(call it parinoia)  Mum still on a fitness craze its lasted for about 4 - 5 days now she's doin exercises and eating low fat foods! how long can she keep it up? I'm still doing pushups(sometimes). Friend has broken up with his gf today but says its a temp thing and will be back soon. em.....think thats it for now! o yeah andy dawson(other biology teacher) and head of maths and science had one word to say for me 'chemistry' he's not happy. I realy need to get this thing done tonight or he'll eat me for dinner(and this guy seriously eats anything!) this thing woz supposed to be in 2weeks ago! K gotta go now maylog later.

Daily Log Suplamental 20:52

MSN Name :EVERYONE GO AWAY!

Pissed off, waited all night to talk to Emma and got in my opinion shrugged off, suppose its not her fault there was a very bad connection coz her dad was fiddling with the connection supposidly but my parinaoia says its not that its coz she woz doin it coz she didn't want to talk to me, connection woz fine up to the point when I wanted to know what tasks she had to do. If my parinoia is true then pls pls pls will she simply dump me. SCREAM! Gonna call back later anyway and try and talk to her, u never know might be able to. But In my deepest parinoia I think its all over. People leave themselfs so open when love is involved even the wrong words can put u in a terrible mood, upset u etc all the girl has to do is smile or say something good and u'r day is complete and u are in a completly good mood from then on, its realy confusing.

Daily Log Suplamental 22:35

MSN Name: Saddle up........Lock and load!

Just had to reset my computer coz its resources hit 0 again anyone know why its doin it???? YAWN!!!!!!!!!!! Watchin sommat on rich people talking about millionares, that touch of frost guy from ITV (only fools and horses guy) is doin the voice over. Quite good. NEED MORE COFFEE!!!!!!! Still gotta do all the work! YAWN. Gonna do work after video(like I tried last night). They haven't updated the notice board outside biology for ages its boring. AOL still won't work! took ages to log on before (is it just me this is happenin to other people?)  Good prog on itv definatly. Tried ringin emma's mobile still turned off. Emma's dad's mobile is on but no-one is answering it(how anoyin!). YAWN ok i'm realy gonna hav to get coffee now. Note to myself CLEAN UP ROOM!!!!

Daily Log 25/4/01 19:44

MSN NAME: WIll someone talk some sense into that girl!

Had a fantastic day up till about 7 mins ago. Couldn't go to collage coz didn't have id thing and it woz id day, searched and actually tidided the entire room still didn't find it, broke for lunch at 12:00 ish and went to the hospital for sommat to eat, once there I remembered where I could have left it (on the carasol that u put trays on after ur meal) I asked the office and they gave me it back! Went home in good mood with two bottles of coke and watched neighbours, then started to do some chemistry!!! Done the planning one still hav to do the more complicated annalysis and evaluation coursework may do tonight. Then rang Emma in realy good mood, got mum who was in a good mood and she tried to pass the phone through to Emma and emma never answered in the bungalo. Mum told me Emma would ring me back in a couple of minutes. She did only to tell me she had to go coz she woz busy. 3rd day in the row sommat like this has happened, I mean I love her to hell and she keeps doing this It could destroy someone, yesterday the signal was realy bad her fault? hopefully not, I confronted her and said look if u just want to dump me then fine she didn't. I said whats the point in goin out if she never wanted to talk to me she said fine then and hung up! I obviously rang back to try and straighten things and did but she still dosen't want to talk to me but she seems to keep padding it off in busy, I can understand it might be true sometimes but all the time! And the phrase delivered 'look michael,.....' isn't the best to use, I mean I even predict she's gonna say she's busy seconds before she says it. Simply put it hurts, It puts me in a rotton mood destroys chances of me actually doing any work for the night and ends up me upsetting my friends over the net by being rude. Its 20:26 now I just hád a long chat/complain with mum. Feeling alot better now, in a more work mood so I'm proberly gonna do my chemistry soon. In the famous words it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, If i have lost Emma completly then looking on the good parts it has been the best year and a half of my life and the time I've spent with her has been incredibly fun and has shown me what it truly means to be alive. I would like to thank her for all the time she's spent with me and to say that i'm willing to continue and that i'll send emails and ring about twice a week. are u? Gonna go now and talk to Zara for a while, finnish my second bottle of coke and get a coffee, I can't believe I watched ace ventura 2 again last night! I can't get away from it(have now changed video tape so there is no chance of watching it again) before ace ventura I watched a realy good film with lisa kudrow(fibi from friends). Paradoxicaly things are looking up(work that one out!)  Nice to see the world tick over as normal. Gonna do chemistry coursework piece two tonight while watching a video. Thinking of going to scotland on saturday(call me crazy, but sorting things out face to face might work and i'm dying to see her) o yeah and I sorted out my planetarion thing today and by 7am tomorrow I should be fully 'in buisness' so to speak. Another thing its amaizing how many orange sheets of paper I have when I start looking for a particular sheet.

Daily Log Suplamental 21:14

Just spent ages trying to reconnect followed by finding out that frontpage never bothered to save the entery above me so I had to go rummiging through the backups to find it(how annoying) anyway about to upload this stuff now, gotta turn a light on hang on. Life is complicated isn't it? Aha! Just checked it sa lolol just been amused at something Zara said I asked what she was up to know and she said some stuff and then said 'oh and bein a cute little kitten' (her msn name Meiow)  bet noone in the world finds that funny other than me(proberly the way i've written it) ok back to where i woz: just checked it saved it!!

Daily Log 26/4/01 01:28(Technicaly one of those dividers should be above this date but since I haven't been to bed it still feels like today i mean yesterday.)

MSN Name:Who wants to be a millionare?

For some reason in realy good mood don't ask me why. Just got a talking genie working on my testpage, would put the game in now but can't coz i'm getting tired(coffee time!). Been 'singing' along to teenage dirtbag for the past 20mins(on loop) I seem to have taking a liking to the song. Light is off curtains are open oh god, i've just been reminded of a recent dream in which i woz doing this with the lights off and the curtains open and it wozn't a good dream at that!(putting lights on now and closing curtains!) Yawn. Updated my profile on msn messanger. And put a picture of emma on my site (check homepage and see link over 'girlfriend')  Gonna do some work in a mo actually proberly not but i can wish can't I????????? yaweuyeyeye hwe boyfriends a dick he brings a gun to school, etc why am i so energetic?????????  Can't wait for tomorrow gonna go into town and miss collage coz i've got a carrears thing at uni means i miss biolgogy and maths! Ok feeling on top of the world got a feeling things are gonna sort out vvsoon. I should know one way or another about Emma and I may go up to scotland on sat!!!!! Surprise her even if i have to sleep rough coz they might not let me stay there! (shows how much I love her dosen''t it?) am i stupid? Is she just stressed coz she's moved and thats it? How long do i give her? She dosen't want to dump me is the impression i got from her so why dosen't she 'cheer' up on the phone, I'm trying to do that buts its hard coz we keep arguing about her having to go as soon as she gets on the phone. Maybe is she gave 10mins then said she had to go then I would be happy but....... Feelings for other girls:Bout nil. xcept friends. Possibilities of getting feelings for other girls in emma dumps me: dunno at all. Oh yeah saw rachel yesterday(as in 2days ago now coz its past midnight) she's doin well.  YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! still enegetic tho but my eyes are getting sore, if I took a break i'd end up going to sleep! and i don't want to do that since I have chemistry to do. but she dosen't know who i am.... (sorry song thing) . I've been reading over the logs for the past few days and I can't remember some of the stuff! its hard to believe realy isn't it? Doing well now on planetarion.  Zara woz telling me some day recently maybe earlier today about her cat almost killing her by dashing down the stairs as she woz goin down the stairs,  I am reminded of a recent quote I heard from someone 'dogs have owners, cats have staff!' and I am wondering do cats ever fire their staff???? LOL(bye the way LOL for me stands for lots of laughs(seems much better than Laughing out loud that sucks)) Song finnishing for bout the 20th time or sommat gonna go get coffee and work on stuff i can't remember oh yeah my chemistry.

Daily Log 26/4/01

MSN NAME: mmmmmmm....pizza

Ok incase ur getting confused the log above suddenly appeared in a file in my folder (at least I have it so stuff about missing log now irrevilent since I just found it but its real wird coz i just looked everyware for it)

Could have sworn I made a log entry last night around 1am but i can't find it anyware, something very strange is happenin. Anyway had a very long day today, in chemisrty we did an experiment which almost gassed us all bob(my chem teacher stopped it in time) then I hung around in the freezing cold waiting for michael taylor( a friend in my tutor group) to turn up, once he arrived me liz and him set off into town so we could go to the carrears convention, once at the convention we seemed to take a wrong turning and got comlpletly lost ages away from anyone, we walked from one building to another and back again seeming to be stuck in a continuous curcle, it took about 40mins for us all to find our way back out and actually get to a seminar. Before we did that tho a chunk of people followed us all the way upstairs coz they must hav thought that we knew where we were goin, we led them into a dead end by mistake and hung around the window as if we ment to go there about 50 people crammed into a smallish room turned around and went back out again after realizing that we hadn't a clue were we were going. Anyway went to a socilogy seminar, it was quite intresting, saw 2 trains out the window and walked out of the seminar bored, we walked around town for a while before I had to get back home coz i'd been threatened with been kicked out of collage and seriously had to do some work. (which I did!) I got home and did loads of chemistry(which I still hav to print out like now) and i've finally completed the second piece of coursework! anyway aftr that I had to go to collage on my course thing and it woz quite an intresting course we had a very long debate over wether something to do with inserting text into a file in c++ was possible without having a fixed length string on each line. Anyway rang for pizza at 20:20ish from my course room and asked for it to be delived at home at 21:20, I got hime just in the nick of time but the pizzza didn't come till about 20mins after! I still let him keep the change tho! Pizza woz nice, just watched an episode of sliders on video and spent ages looking for my log I made last night. Couldn't find it so am instigating a backup program to make sure it dosen't happen again, sommat wird happened last night I mean I never went to bed but the entire night feels incredibly wird surreal. Just watching who framed roger rabit now on video. Realy good. Sent emma a long email last night I hope she liked it, haven't rung emma tonight, I will ring her tomorrow instead. In quite a good mood tonight although i'm quite tired since i neva had any sleep, gonna talk to zara if she still online in a sec.yawn.

Daily log 27/4/01 22:25

MSN Name:woz their shields are operating on a frequency of 257.4 now: i got her new clothes.......

Ok how anoyin it never saved my last log properly(10mins ago). Woke up to a bowl of start but couldn't eat a bit coz i woz still full after the pizza last night. Swore i wouldn't eat anything but ate somat for tea. Went to collage had a cool biology lesson (measureing transpiration in plants) as i put it it woz 'wet n wild'. Had a excellent maths lesson and a cool physics lesson where I learn't loads of stuff on motion etc. More than half the physics class went into another room to do the physics olympiad thing(a realy high level thing that goes above alevel) Had dinner hour since kate my helper style person woz off (see her every fri she trys to get me organized) Planetarion going realy slow. Sent loads of prank emails from this prank email site(woz bored) watched angel and buffy buffy ep a bit boring since buffy's mum is dead and it woz a funeral. anger ep was realy funny and good tho. Aol won't let me log in again thats realy anoyin. Emma is online but i can't see her coz of aol. how anoyin eh? had a realy good phone call with emma woz fun. and put me in a realy good mood. me thinks things are finally lookin up. also gave in my chemistry today (coursework part 2 calculating the percentage purity of an unknown acid) got to do physics homework q 7 and 8 and maths homework+ biology coursework this weekend, I should be ok. also realy want to see emma but its almost impossible since she lives in scotland. Yawn gonna get coffee soon. I hope it saves this time. I'm also gonna be stayin up real late tonight coz i'm watching a film (rodger rabit ) then i want to watch a few sliders eps and maybe do some work. Been chattin with andy(a bit) zara, and feg(jonathon) tonight. next gonna check out planetarion account   (after i upload this log), gonna hav a realy late lie in tomorrow. might update more tonight, if not goodnight all. IT SAVED!!!!!! Missing Emma alot tho I would give anything just to give her a hug and hold her in my arms, its so anoyin been this far apart.

Daily Log 28/4/01 19:13

MSN Name: woz:it'll be like old times......but different. Now: a: you play games with me mister and ur through. b: I am? May I go now?

Had one good ish day today, woke up real early to a combat scene on startrek DS9(left video on last night also set to autorewind and play) Went on net and sorted out my planetarion stuff. Then went back to bed and watched DS9. Woz on net till 13:00 ish when I went into town with mum and bought a suit for the wedding I am going to next week. It woz completly 'painless' went into burtens and got excellent service the person there sorted all sizes and things out and I woz out in about 30mins after buying a full suit(jacket, shirt, trousers, tie and shoes) and having tried em all on too!. We then went to the restaurant in friargate but it had closed so we went to pizza hut and mum and I ate a stuffed crust pizza. Saw sam there(friend from high school) but he woz in kitchens so i never got to talk to him. David rigg (another friend) woz not there at all. Went home after that had a good chat with mum at pizza hut about the past and various people in my family. When I got home i sorted all my planetarion stuff out again and messed around with internet connection sharing over my network, its not working yet there is a small 'hitch' i plan to log out and sort out the hitch later tonight. Just chatted to claire about various things and I am planning to make a PCA alliance, which should be fun once the galaxy reshuffling is complete(after the weekend). Also gonna phone emma tonight (maybe) watching startrek 4 at the moment on video(actual bought video not tv recorded(although i do hav the tv recorded one too)). Typical too AOL let me on! last night when my girlfriend woz on line (once in a blue moon) aol wouldn't let me connect to its AIM(I AM NOT ON AOL by the way which proberly explains why they won't let me connect all the time). Everyone tried out my genie?? Comments pls. Gonna get a drink now am very thirsty. O yeah and I talked to jonathon for ages this morning about planetarion and he gave me several tips etc. Will log later first I will rename 'Feedback' to 'GuestBook'

Daily Log Suplamental 23:23

Had a fantastic phone conversation with Emma! in a realy good mood, been chattin away with karl, andy and chris over the net and just basicaly havin a fun time. watched Startrek 4 in the bottom right corner of my monitor and a realy funny ep of Startrek TNG (one where its the wild west and the computer makes loads of data clones) Updated my site a bit amd done some planetarion work + sent emma an email. I can't believe how much I love Emma. Anyway i'm hunting for a new msn name now i'll proberly find one from this voyager ep thats on the tape next but if i spot sommat elsware i'll use it(i'm trying to remember some funny quotes from mars attacks (great film want it infacet got it some ware on tape but i haven't a clue where it is))  I like chatting with people its fun. Gonna go on mirc again soon while watchin strek. Currently drinking a realy nice coffee if i say so myself! and one of those coca cola glasses full of diet coke(booths didn't hav any coke last time i went) with 6 ice cubes in(needed to empty ice thing so i could make more ice cubes) I'm realy looking forward to this wedding now. I seriously can't wait. ooh hang on a sec gonna send emma a quick email. Just had a realy long debate with karl and chris about if i had a coke glass full to the top with 6 ice cubes in, if i left the glass and the ice cubes melted would the glass overflow?? Whats scary about that karl has just pointed out is that i am taking alevel chemistry and alevel physics and i don't have a clue!!!!lol. Its so strange part of my mind feels like its always with emma. anyway plan for tonight watch tv do loads of stuff waste lots  of time etc etc j/k. real plan watch a video chat with chris and karl sort out my roid scans in 30mins and go to bed! oh after reading the threads on the planetarion bullitin board. lol zara's name is purr purr(cute lil kitten!lol) YAWN!!! K gonna do sommat now. oh yeah i'm gonna watch a video. hey nicky just signed in! AHH! planetarion i forgot!!! oh hangon its only 23:53! gotta wait 20mins. (panic over lol)   Wird the thing says chris is off line yet i am talkin to him! watchin a video now its voyager. im hopen the tape has sliders or quantem leap or sommat on later. Anyway gonna finnish typing now. i haven't had to restart my computer at all tonight coz of memory probs! looks like i've got rid of those nasty trogen virouses. Anyway later all!

Daily Log 29/4/01 19:28

MSN Name:u take the blue pill the story ends u wake up in ur bed and believe whatever u want....

Hi, had a rather normal day today, woke up early checked out planetarion, went back to bed woke up goin on 11:00 talked to jonathon on the web for a while, hunted for the matrix video tape and got rung up by chris askin if i wanted to go to a computerfair. Went to PNE stadium and it woz quite fun, bought a usb hub coz i've used all my usb ports on my computer and I also bought a Creative USB webcam. Everything is working without a hitch. Some of my galaxy is loosing faith in andy as our gc simply coz of his low score and the number of people supporting him has dropped to 15 if it drops below 13 then he looses his gc thing. Also Karl is underattack from ric someone in my galaxy. Although its a joke to see how much Karl will panic. Kinda wish I could talk to Emma today but she's right there is no point in phoning every day is there? I'm hoping she's on the web later. That purr purr name of Zara's is still a massive source of amusement for me(dunno y) its funny. Gonna play eliteforce tonight and beetup everyone. Also must finnish biology coursework for tuesday (thought it woz for monday but woz mistaken) and must finnish my maths homework that i started a few hours ago yikes i've just realized i'm not logged into aim. Am now tho and emma is not on! oh well. U know it gets darker down here quicker than it does in scotland?!. K also been messing with this trojon virus thing trying to get it to work but to no avail. Had a hotdog at the computerfair and a tomato lasanigina(spelt horribly wrong) later on in the day. Also had a piece of cake, gone through an entire carten of orrange juice and tonnes of coffee. O and i watched about 20mins of the matrix and the simpsons on sky one between 18:00 and 19:00. Currently nicly relaxed on my chair typing away on my keyboard. Claire's score has just gone up to 59tho hmmm. need to get next level of ship NOW. Must be ready for any trechary. I woz also thinkin of gettin a 60gb hdd coz i've currently virtually filled 22gb(10gb and a 12gb) most of it with movies and stuff. Can't wait at all for next week I am realy looking forward to this wedding as in REALY looking forward to it(not coz of the wedding but coz i'm gonna see emma for first time in ages!!) anyway gotta go now or my internet connection will idle. Seya.

Daily Log 1/5/01 00:04

MSN Name:Its a good day to die!

One hell of a battle is going on today with planetarion, everyone is attacking someone called mem and the huge galaxy is in a state of civil war. Mem has over 1400 ships heading for him! Talked to emma briefly today albiet briefly coz she woz with hr friends, then called back later but she couldn't talk coz she had to hav a shower(trying hard not to make a dirty comment) *cough* lol. Anyway had a cool day today in physics and stuff is goin well, learn't loads of things to do with motion. People are being mean to claire and ignoring her, pls would u not do that she's goin through a hard time with Andy at the moment. Emma seemed ok but i'm a bit concerned I hope nothing has happened. Anyway still massivly looking forward to this wedding at the weekend!!!! I seriosly can not wait!!!!! I can actually see the girl of my dreams again(lituraly) WHoHOO!!! I hope andy and claire patch things up, and I hope Karl finds another girl friend soon. I've put my website up on planetarion (pa) on the threads so people will be able to go to it from there. Am realy tired as I got absolutly no sleep lastnight. Oh yeah and the day today masssivly dragged every lesson seemed to take twice as long! I couldn't believe it! I enter my first combat in 1 hr !!! wow! I spent a while today trying to chear claire up, I hope she is ok. Just sent karl the planetarion manuel that i downloaded coz i wanted fast access to ship infomation while i woz getting to know the ships. Went to the hospital again today o and luckly didn't drift off to sleep this morn when i woz lying on my bed coz i could hav fallen asleep and hav missed collage which would have been realy bad coz i just recivevd my written warning from andy dawson, and i'm sure he's still trying to call me! Fell out with chris last night over some thing with a hacker trying to get into my system. That woz bad but i managed to keep him out after alot of work. I actually want to watch the matrix tonight and not keep missing huge parts of it coz i fall asleep. That is just plainly anoying. I think that alothough lounging in bed is realy good and feels good it is a waste of time that we could have been spending doing something els, o flip i need to do my biology! o well it can be givin in tomorrow as in wednesday for its currently veryearly on a tuesday. Just finnished talking to karl online and had a brief talk with zara earlier today she had band so we couldn't chat long. Watched voyager instead of chatting with anyone els(very good episode different parts of the ship were on different time lines! cool eh? chakoty walked around the ship and woz in different time periods wherever he went. a bit like that reddwarf episode with time moving at different speeds at different parts of the ship. Anyway realy gotta go now, tired and want a drink and want to watch a movie and simply go to sleep. Goodnight all.

Daily Log 2/5/01 00:24

MSN NAME:Was: Victory is life Now: Our death brings glory to the Founders

This log thing is becomming tiresom but i said i would do it so I will. Today woke up late 09:20! shot out of bed and off to col. caught the bus (1 stop!) and got there just on time! Collage was realy good today went to physics and did newtons laws of motion which was realy fun, then i had a 2hr break since i and a few other people are excused from tutorial for 2 weeks coz we finished all the work! I went home after getting a ham and coldslaw sandwich and a scotch egg and a packet of chrisps. Took em home with me and made a nice cup of earl grey tea which to be completly honsest is not that bad, i could grow to like it sooner or later(am currently adicted to coffee but we hav run out!) I don't know what i am gonna do without it!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway went home and watched 2 episodes of buffy on dvd while i ate my lunch i watched the epsodes where the demon infested the internet and the episode where xander was possessed by a hyeena! Anyway after that i shot off back to collage just in time for maths where we did more statistisc which was kinda intresting. Then i went to biology where we finnished the syllabus after almost pushing andy dawson (head of maths and science and my biology teacher) to a mental breakdown by constantly bombarding him about wquestions about the key skills week next week and lessons and revision lessons. it got to the point where he pretended to cry and he also bashed his head against the white board! Ok what els did i do today? I got home hatched neighbours after briefly playing xwing alliance. I then tried to connect to the net but bt wosn't working very well. I rung emma at 7 but she wos out so mum rang later to talk about the trip to scotland!!I can't wait!!!!!!!!Emma can't wait either!!!;). I then tried to make real producer convert an mpeg file but it won't :(. The combat last night went badly but we have patched up our differences and elected MeM as GC. I am minister of development. Things are going ok now except i am under attack from some i don't know!60 unknown ships with possible cloaked ones attacking me not fair! anyway i should defeat them i hav tonnes of defence building and tonnes of ships and allied fleets helping me. Things are going very very well. Gonna go to bed soon coz i'm tired. Need to wake up at 6am for combat reports. I realy can't wait to see emma :). I realy love her so much. Can't wait. Anyway talking to karl at moment about a diplomatic message to the galaxy who is attacking me (karl is MOC(minister of communications)). ts now 00:46! i'm definatly goin to bed soon. Gotta get some money for my mobile and do biology coursework tomorrow. +buy stuff for sunday,monday. Talked to zara briefly today but i can't for the life of me remember what about, i remember us both saying we were bored and then talkin about um...band(she goes to band) but thats all i can remember! yawn. Anyway off to bed in a few mins. Goodnight all!

Daily log 3/5/01 Time 23:58!

MSN Name:Oh my god bones.....what have i done........

Ok so whats happened today u all ask? I slept in a bit late today so i had to leg it to collage, woz 20mins late but we hadn't done much work in chem so it woz easy to catch up. Chemistry woz boring i'm getting very worried coz i can't remember anythin in any of these lessons, its as if i am not learning anything at all! which is most disturbing. Anyway I have to do my biology coursework tonight coz its due in tomorrow! Typical me leaving it to the last minute I know. I'm gonna do it after I get a coffee(we have coffee again!!! i bought some!!) Anyway I went home after chem(half day) Bought some food before I left tho, there woz a huge queue. Got a ham and coldslaw batten with a wird pork and apple thing and a packet of chrisps. Oh yeah the defence went realy well the enemy sent 60 astropods and only 60 astropods i and my friends obliterated him. I went home and finally watched the matrix all the way through, then I spent the whole afternoon till about 16:30ish programming direct 3d with visual basic. I managed to intergrate direct 3d into my game that i have been building(similer to cnc) all i have to do now is convert the 2d tile based landscape into a 3d terrain..........shouldn't be too hard lololol. I then played birth of the federation till 17:35 when neighbours came on. (very short game coz i don't play many games anymore which is bad coz i'm getting very rusty at em) Neighbours woz realy good flic's dad finaly found out she woz seeing joel and all hell broke loose. Flic spent the night at Joels and it ended with a huge argument and flics dad saying as long as u live in my house u are gonna follow my rules and i say you will not see joel. and flic says fine, i'll move out then. Anyway after that i went on the web and went on planetarion and on mirc and talked to zara for a while, she woz depressed and I cheered her up quite a bit, woz depressed my self after that but i delibertaly tried to cheer myself up, been listening to mp3's all night until about 1hr ago when my mp3 player crashed(creative play centre 2) haven't been bothered to load up another since. Yawn. I miss emma alot i hope she is ok from this dare thing she woz doing(going into some old underground room in the graveyard) I wish I could ring everyday but its proberly best every 2 days. I love her loads tho and miss her terribly. I've gotta buy loads of things soon coz the weekend is comming up and i want loads of stuff coz i'm gonna be goin away.lol. Anyway what now?? its 00:42 and i'm tired but coffee should sort it. I'm gonna drink 2 strong coffee's turn on a video and do my biology! May log again later. Seya!

Daily log 3/5/01 23:56

MSN Name:Cypher

Ok one confession its realy 01:32 i had to make it seem ages so it'ld look like i'd been making the log every day which i hav just getting later and later every day! Ok last night i got 0 sleep, woz completly unable to sleep, however slept after breakfast :) for 1hr!! 1hrs sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway woke up unable to remember anything scary first thoughts :who am i, where am i? and what lesson do i hav now? My eyes are realy sore i've been up way too long. Anyway got into collage Karl is going with laurie again, kissing her, i met karl as he woz heading into collage, we walked up the stairs together and talked a bit. We both then went to chemisrtry and did an experiment about some reducing hydrocarbons or something. Propanol etc. I got completly high of coffee at break and spent the last half of the 2hr lesson moving around in a slightly hyper state! Nxt lesson um biology. Quite a fun lesson we learn't stuff about plants and xylem, (after a long waite waiting for angela to actually come to the lesson) after that andy taught us for the second half of the lesson as usual and we went through loads of exam papers to do with fermentation. I think i have all that sorted in my head now which is definatly good! anyway after biology went off to get dinner(ham and coldslaw batten(roll) with chrisps) Shot home and ate lunch to neighbours. Wozn't too intresting episode although it did end with the susan getting suspended from head of the school. Then shot back to collage and up to maths. In maths learn't about some avon park(rough area of preston far far away from where i liv) gang woz beetin up newman collage students and that some students had moved to preston collage(my collage). Didn't learn any maths tho coz it woz long and tedius. I need to by a graphical calculater!! i remembered. Ok what els is there? Stayed at collage after maths and fixed my computer program and surfed planetarion until 17:45 then went off to my thursday night course, woz an intresting course chip (somone there) woz watching streaming Family Guy over the web which woz funny and i finally finnished the program i'd been working on for absplutely ages! Came back here and rang emma, had a very brief conversation (she woz busy) and went on the net, and sadly to say i have been on the net ever since! Now I am however getting alot more than tired! i've had no coffee just hotchocolate. Anyway plan for tonight:go to bed vsoon. Goodnight soon all. Although still talking to Topazz on msn.

Daily Log 5/5/01 01:29

MSN Name:Cypher

Well my name is still cypher!, went to bed last night around 02:00, am still quite awake now. Got up lateish(09:10) went off to col as usual had a borning biology lesson just making notes and stuff, I then went into town and bought some stuff during my 1hr break, aftr that I went back to col and actualy got to maths 1min early! Maths woz incredibly boring we did some stuff that there woz no point in coz when I buy a graphic calculator the stuff that would usually take ages to work out would only take 30secs. Aftr maths I went to kate(my tst) and sorted out some files and things of mine, she also helped me with some physics and woz amused with the fact that the sheet peter dunne had given me with the work on woz writted on upside down and the right way up so it woz real hard to work it out. Anyway in physics I did 1 calculation and talked to peter dunne about collage in the past and stuff, i also talked alot with claire. Got home and mum woz there(she has taken today(friday) and thursday off from work! I watched buffy and angel then helped mum sort out some clothes for this wedding thing. We finally got a size 10 dress and just managed to squeeze her into it. Anyway what els? um o yeah must remember to get a phone card tomorrow! Just upgraded internet explorer on my old handheld so i might be able to surf planetarion when i'm away(i can't connect my new handheld to my mobile! so i hav to use my old one to surf the net when i am away(not fair eh?) I mean my new one will coneect but i just don't have either the right phone or the right modem thing. Currently listening to mrs doubt fire(can't be bothered watching it coz i hav seen it so many times i cam picture every scene anyway. Up to the point when daniel takes the logo off stu's car.Peter dunne did his stand on the chair thing to get attention(he is not very tall) it never ceases to amuse me he stands on the chair and puts this goofy smileon for about 1 sec before talking.  Um what els hav i done?. oh yeah I spoke to jonathon(friend from hi school)aka (feg) before about various things and i've just been on mirc.haven't spoken to zara today coz i got on the net real late(23:00) after helping mum. Emma hasn't rung, i don't realy blame her coz she's vvbuisy up there and is always with her friends etc.  I need a new name! Plans for tonight go on mirc for a bit longer before going to bed. I can't waite i might actually see emma tomorrow!possibly the day after tho! Anyway down to the nitty gritty, i can not post my diary on the web for a few days (till tues afternoon) coz i'm gonna be away so i will write it on my handheld and upload it all on tuesday night. I also talked with Karl a bit today on msn and he seems to be going stronger and stronger every day with lauie. Andy went to the pub today but found it completly boring, i couldn't go i'm letting my parents calm down after an incident that i think happened before i started to write this diary thing. I can't waite i'm gonna see emma soon!!wowowowow! Hope she's ok she woz feelin a bit ill before. Anyway gonna go on mirc a while now,seya!

Daily Log 9/5/01:Wednesday 16:00

Got another log to put before gill enter after. Where To begin? I'll begin on monday since i have sunday's log+sat. Ok I woke up, shot back to my own bedroom and went to bed again around 5am. I awoke to emma knocking on my door at about 9:30, i gave her a hug, got dressed and met her down stairs for breakfast. I had egg,sausage,fried bread,soda bread, and bacon. It woz realy nice. Anyway after breakfast we all got dressed into our wedding clothes. I got into my suit while emma and my mum fussed over what clothes emma woz going to wear. We all got outside by about 12:00 and were driving to the church minutes later. Emma woz wairing a black dress thing and a silvery blouse. It took about 30mins to get to the church but once we got there we were early so me and dad walked around the graveyard. It is amaizing the amount of people that were buried there. Some graves were just a cross no headstones others must have cost the earth. Anyway after this me and dad went back to the car with mum and emma still in and we both walked into the church and after some confusion about which side the brides family/friends sat at we sat down on the left which we thought woz right until one of dad's relatives asked my dad why we were sitting over there(the church had a very small centeral bit then both sides went off at an angle away from each other). We then all moaned to dad for about 20mins about us sitting on the wrong side only to find that the guy that had said we were on the wrong side woz himself on the wrong side! Anyway most people were there and the mass started at 2pm. The priest wizzed through the entire marrage ceremony in 49mins! He woz working at light speed literally. Emma woz realy tired all the way through since we'd been up most of the night. I woz a bit dozy myself but wozn't overly exausted. Anyway after the VERY quick cerimony we all stood outside the church and talked. Did u know it woz illegal to throw confetti in north ireland!?. Anyway Dad went off with all his brotheres and stood with them, they all looked like the Men In Black standing together it woz realy funny. We set off from the church at about 15:30 to go to the reception which woz about 1hr away in southern ireland(no hotels big enough to cope for all the guests in north ireland). We got there in convoy coz most of us didn't know where we were going. Emma slept most of the way. Once there we sat down and had a drink (i had coffee). We sat and sat and sat and sat. At around 18:30 the meal finally started.(after loads of photos were taken) one of them a McAlea immediate only family photo woz taken(no coursins etc) i woz in the photo! Anyway the meal starter woz some seafood thing(yuk!) next it woz a chicken cream with veg style soup, after that i had turkey thanks to marry(instead of the stake) finally it woz several different cakes for desert. Anyway during the meal (i wozn not on the table with mum and dad!) Emma woz to my left and Kevin(dad's famous music star person brother) woz to my right. Kevin woz definatly cool and we talked alot unfortunatly I left emma out a bit which i am sorry for. Then as everyone on the table(even tho i had wine( emma did not) i didn't get drunk) but everyone els did start to. The jokes started, clean at first then getting more and more dirty lol. Dad's brothers are definatly realy fun to be around, one of them had come all the way from south africa with his wife! Anyway the speaches started a while later these were okish if abit long winded. After the meal we all sat back down in the bar style place and me,emma,mum and dad sat down with liam(oldish person) his wife, and kevin. I got a bottle of wine from mum(a mini one) and started to drink it. Emma snuggled up to me and we started to listen to liams fantastic tails of his adventures in lanzeroti and other places especially with cock roaches! As soon as the music finnaly started(bout an hour later) we had to go coz we were still staying in the guest house over an hours drive away and it woz getting dark. We said our goodbyes and headed off. We got back at around 22:30, said our goodnights and went to bed. About 30mins later after a panic about were my mobile woz i woz back in emma's room. Anyway I woke up on tuesday at around 0600 and set off back to my own room and went back to bed only to wake up at 0900. I didn't have any breakfast coz i woz full and i packed up everything in my room, I then sliped alongside emma and gentaly got her out of bed. Once we had all packed (and nicked the realy nice deep bedrock water from the room(free bottle)+all the sweets we said goodbye to the manager payed our money and headed off. The carride woz a bit depressing back to the ferry and back to ireland me and emma were cuddeled up all the way. We got back to scotland and got somethiung to eat. We then went off to drop emma back home :( Emma seemed to immediatly fit in again but she woz realy sad to be saying goodbye. We wern't even alloud to kiss goodbye coz of her parents. Anyway we'd said our goodbyes earlier. We drove away and I gave emma's hand one last squeeze out of the car window and we drove off my last image woz of emma her mum and dad +rest of family all walking along side each other down the drive it seemed to happen in slow motion. Soon after this I just fell asleep in the car coz i woz depressed i woke up when we pulled up to the best service startion in brittian(won the award) dad needed the loo. About an hour later we were back home i read my book the rest of the way. Once home we realized we had emma's black top and shoes. (oops) Anyway i connected to the net and talked with zara for a while then our entire galaxy came under a massive attack on planetarion and we were all cordinating defence right up till about 02:00 on irc. At around 03:00 i went to bed after talking a bit with rachel( a girl i know from geneva) on irc just wanted to catch up a bit coz i hadn't talked to her properly in absolutly ages and she happened to be in our galaxy room on the planetarion irc server. In bed I watched police accadamy 2 before faling asleep half way through it. Oh yeah when I got back i watched voyager from monday(boring episode about balanna torres getting pregnent) i watched it in the top right of my computer screen while i surfed the net actually it woz the top left. I left my computer downloading the latest beta direct x 8 display drivers for my ATI Radeon 64mb DDR Vivo graphics drivers. I awoke at around 12:30 when mum asked me if i wanted to go out to get something to eat. I said ok and at around 13:00 we both went off to the hospital to get something to eat in the restarurnt. We got back and I helped mum try and get this document template to work on her old laptop(for some work thing of hers) It failed so i set up a computer in the pine room with word 2000 on and let her use that for her work. Then I did some vb for a while trying to get my 3d landscape to work IN 3D. Then I decieded to write this and I have been doing ever since. I realy massivly miss emma now and I am hoping that when she is 16 she will come back down to england like we have talked, I need to work hard tho and get good grades to make this easily possible. I am also thinking of dropping chemistry and biology at collage next year and taking up a 1 year full alevel Computing course(hopefully should be a breeze and I can consentrate on maths and physics while getting a excellent grade on computing(i hope)) I'm gonna give emma a quick call tonight(reason to say we hav her stuff) then i can hav a chat with her. Me and emma are going very very strong at the moment and it realy looks like we are gonna be together for ever and we both now believe this. I love her with everything I have. I'm gonna write more later but for now seya(o and look out above this log for saturdays and sundays when i can be bothered to transfare it from my palmtop)

Daily Log 10/5/01

Stayed up realy late last night so I stayed in bed today till 12:00. (luckaly I only had one keyskills lesson and that woz in the afternoon) After going around collage after sorting out the problem with Peter Dunne reporting me absent on tuesday(in ireland) which could have got me kicked out of collage, apparantly accoding to joy sabour(absence person) peter dunne had no right to make us go in for that lesson and he had less than no right to actually mark us absant, joy deleted all the physics absence marks. Before this though i chatted with andy dawson about it and he said he'd see what he could do but things wern't looking to good, apparantly he must have been trying to scare me or something. I walked home it woz going on 14:30 and the main hospital restaurant woz closed but i took Karls advice in the alevel centre (which i woz in briefly after it keyskills) and went and got some food at the hospital cafe thing in the enterence. After this I headded back home. Ahha i remember, I got woken up at 09:15 by andy calling me and saying that my planet woz under attack(JTKIRK) and I had over 2000 incomming, it woz too late to actually do much for defence but I briefly logged on and built over 1000 interseptors and PDS(planetary defence systems). Anyway the defence went well ish and i only lost 18 roids. After the building stuff I finnished a book in bed and dozed until 12:00. Anyway what did I do after? Oh yeah the keyskills thing woz a realy boring powerpoint presentation. After I think I just watched tv yeah Police Accadamy 2 again coz i missed part lastnight. I then went to my c++ course and did some template class stuff and got told we could all bring a friend as part of adult learners week. Tony(my tutor) wants us to all bring a blond under 20 and a bottle. lol. Anyway I talked to Emma and got massivly confused coz she kept switching voices with her friend which is slightly starting to bug me. Also I paniked coz I shone I red lazer pen at my webcam and I thought it had dammaged it but it hadden't. I then talked to Zara checked on my planet dammage levels which wer good and talked to andy, I played with a bot on the net a bit and then went to bed after chattin on mirc until about 03:00. And watched a toystory simply coz it woz on the tape I had picked. Then I went to bed.

Daily Log 11/5/01 23:59

MSN NAME: Admiral Thrawn

It has been a long day today. I got up at 09:10 and shot off to collage after gettin dressed. My first class woz health and safty. This proved incredibly boring and towards the break about an hour inot the leacture I started to fall asleep from sheer boredom, we were leactured about safty signs and stuff. Completly pointless. Anyway I grabbed a large cup of coffee and went for a stroll around the collage grounds. It woz quite pleasent, two girls i've never even seen before said hi to me. This i must admit did boost my mood a bit coz i woz feelin real bored and groggy from the boring leacture. None of em were even the remotest patch on emma tho(like anyone in the world eva is) so i just walked on after sayin hi. Anyway what next? I went back to the realy boring health and safty lesson. It finished and gave us a five minute break. Then i went off to my application of number exam which it said woz in sf16(the room i woz just in) but there woz another health and safty lesson in it so me and this girl from my tutorgroup went off and looked for were we were supposed to be. We met david rukroft(my maths teacher) and he directed me to another room i think it woz sg14 or sommat anyway david described it as the coldest room in the collage. I went in and we had our application of number exam which was extramly easy. I finished early and headed off to the bus to get into town. I woz in town for 13:30 and I went straight to get the photo's from geneva that mum had taken in for developing the previous day. The pics wer ok i suppose but there woz nothing too flashy about them. What els? em......I thenwent to get a macdonalds and had a supersized mac chicken sandwich meal.  I went back off to collage and got there justin time for my communications lesson and asked recption where i woz ment to be going they diverted me to SF16 (must be some kind of universal junction point) lol. Anyway i got to sf16 and went in and asked communications and the chemistry teacher there said yes, i sat down and the book on the table woz chemistry! Everyone woz quite amused and the tutor suggested that i go down to recption and ask. I did just that and got divereted to the language block lg10. I went straight there although i woz 10mins late and when i got there DR Pluck my comms tutor said we could all hav 15mins to discuss some bits and pieces on keyskills for our debate that he woz gonna record and grade us on later. We did this although me and michael Tayler(a friend from tutorial) went off to get a drink.Anyway when Dr pluck came back he started the recorder and waited for one of us to start the debate, there woz dead silance for about 5mins after we said all our names one after the other. Dr pluck turned off the tape and talked with us for a while about what we were gonna say nd stuff then he turned on the tape again and we had a real ish debate that lasted about 20mins. After this we all set off home. I went to the newsagent in booths to get a videio tape on the way back home. (the tape woz for buffy and angel that night) anyway i got home zonked a bit and started to read a book i had bought in town. its quite a good book. mum came home and i had linda mcaerthy bergers for tea and then i went and watched neighbours while i ate them. after this i went on the net and created the alliance for our galaxy. I woz sorting this on and off all night. I watched 2eps of the simpsons followed by malcom in the middle and the fresh prince of bellair(which i can't remember coz it wozn't any good) then  I set the tape to record. I watched buffy and angel in the top right of my screen, all the while i woz sorting out my alliance talking to andy at brief intervals on my mobile phone about me goin to join him at the pub(which i later found out icould do) but it woz a bit too late so i asked him if we could arrange sommat for sat and he said he'd call me about it. Anyway buffy woz a good episode tara got her brain sucked by that god woman. and angel woz its usual amusing self. Anyway i spent the rest of the night talkin to zara, scannin photos, downloadin bits and pieces of my visual studio service pack. I also talked a bit with mem about roid farms. Just before i started to write this i briefly watched something on channel 4 about some date thing now i'm watchin sommat on 5 wer this guys brain has been switched with someonels's (a typeical 5 b movie).Emma hasn't been online for ages. I will call emma tomorrow. Tonight? I'm gonna watch this boring old b movie then watch a bit of tv(video) then i'm gonna go to bed coz i'm a bit tired. I'm tempted to make a coffee but can't be bothered although it does taste realy nice...o i can also read some of my book! Night

Daily Log 12/5/01

Well what did i do today? I don't know em i woke up early ish around 10 and talked to a few people on the net, went on planetarion alot and ate loads of sandwiches. They r nice, i also bought some shopping at boothes.(not much tho) Chrisps a feast ice cream and some bread. I then surfed the net for the rest of the day and played a bit of eliteforce which i didn't do too good on :(lol. I talked to zara later on in the day and she has her bro's mates commin around which means she is gonna hav a fantastic day. lol what els did i do? i went on #netmeeting on dalnet(irc) and amaizingly enough it woz a fantastic channel. there wer no lamers sayin male 16 etc etc they just got banned. I made loads of new friends in that channel and woz chattin on the main channel most of the night. I woz also listenin to this girl singin(she wanted to prove to me she could) Someone from msn came online at around 3-4am which woz cool. so i chatted with him for a while. I've drunk tonnes of coffee tonight, i also made a home made cafe moca 1.5 coffee to 2 chocolate teasponns. +milk. Its very nice. I also listened to a grandprix from a year ago on tape, (for background noise) i then spent most of the night up to listenin to the girl sing listenin to american pie by donmclean which i got from the #mp3 channel on dalnet. Yawn anyway I think I might go for a rest now its extreamly early in the morn (goin on 7am on sun) (log for sat) Goodnight all!

Daily Log 13/5/01

Woke up at 12:30 just in time to record the grandprix. Then helped mum alot with her work and went off to the hospital with mum and dad for lunch, i had a realy nice chicken and mushroom pie chips and beans (yum)  What els? Um i went back home and stayed on #netmeeting all day talked a bit to zara but talked most of the day to the person who woz singin last night on #netmeeting. #netmeetin is DA best. lol. Anyway what els did i do? em stuff. I um em um dunno lol. Talked on the net most of the day, got a bit flustered at the amount of paper mum wasted by printing loads of stuff, helped a few people with their cams and thats about it. What els? OOO there woz a thunderstorm (very short but still cool) wether is still REALY hot i'm sweltering. What els? yawn, its 03:07 lol. I'm staying up all night again. I've been drinking loads of cafa moca. And i had a potnoodle i still hav to eat the cake thing, i yum. What els do i hav to do i'm gonna drink more coffee, and talk some more. I watched the grand prix 3 hrs ago(on video) it woz good. Altho culthard won and not Shumacher :(. I still miss emma loads and even tho she's gettin her phone back soon i can't wait and keep ringin it. This is a short log today isn't it! it is coz i simply haven't done much! Oh yeah a initated loads of new roids on pa. thats about everything i have done today so thats about it. Currently listening to ds9 on video its a section 31 we sloan manipulates dr bashir into following his devious plan on romulos. I also want loads of people to visit my site :p. would be nice. oh yeah i played 2 games of 0's and X's on msn with zara they wer both draws. (sigh i wanted to win lol) thats about all i'm off now i may read a bit after i finnish chattin but i dinna know. Bye!!

Daily Log 14/5/01

Woke up late for collage after stayin up most of the night. Shot to collage but woz 1 hr late for maths. I still did more work then most of the people there tho :)(revision) after maths i had a boring physics lesson :( wer we did loads of questions n stuff. I went to booths(a supermarket) with andy and claire(his girlfriend) for lunch and got an egg sandwich. I hav loads of stuff to do tonnes of revision n stuff. I then had a realy boring chemistry lesson. And got home vtired. Voyager woz incredibly boring tonight these prisioners were being transfared i knew what whould happen like i'd written the storyline or sommat lol. It woz so predictable, they escaped duh, one of em turned good (i'd hav never guessed) but still died got executed duh i'd hav never ever guessed that. and another manipulated neelix into thinking he wos a 'good guy' duh how obvious. The only other bit that was unpredictable woz seven's emotional reaction to the good prisioner, i think she loved him or sommat. Talk about love i couldt get through to emma tonight at all. The phone jus kept ringin constantly n that woz all, y?? i dinna know. anyway i ordered a pizza at 11:30 at night and had to stand out in the rain to wait for it or i'd wake everyone up. I then ate my pizza and watched sommat on sky 1 while i woz waiting for StarTrek Next Gen to come on at midnight. It woz an excellent ep of nxt gen it woz the one were data play's sherlock homes in a holodeck story. Anyway I fellasleep before the end but i started to record when it started. I got 4 issues of newscientist today coz of all the hols i've had lol. Cost me enough. I'm realy missing emma now i love her loads and realy hate the distance. Anyway i'm gonna go seeya o andy came round to get the geneva pics and he stole a negative with some embarrising pics of me on. I walked half the way home with him talking about some things (canna say) and about the pics i woz in the rain only in a tshirt. I jogged all the way home(that almost kiilled me coz its about a 15min walk away from were i woz) lol. Anyway I then got into a miss understanding with andrew on msn and got realy pissed off with him so i blocked his address and left msn. I woz busy anyway doin some 'work'. I haven't talked to that girl i woz talkin to before coz i logged onto mirc at the wrong time. Anyway gtg bye oh yeah andy dawson (head of maths and science (isn't it anoyin havin more than 1 andy)) threatened to call my parents coz i woz late.......hmmmmmm

Daily Log 15/5/01 22:49

Ok where tp start. I got to collage on time and went to physics were i got quite depressed coz amongst other things like not being able to read or understand the questions(will talk about that later) andy and claire were canoddling alot and it got me realy depressed coz emma is far away and it jus made me miss her tonnes and tonnes to put it simply i'm aching to be with her again. what is even worse is she's completly emotionless about it and dosen't seem to realize that i need to get the feedback like 'i love u' back from her. Its hard to put it but i think its the same with most people who r in love if the otherperson starts to go all emotionless with u, u get all worried. I need the smiles laughs i love u's and stuff from emma, it makes my day it cheers me up makes me feel secure and comforts me when i'm depressed and to be honest my mood is so low its not measurable at the moment i'm real depressed not jus coz of emma but coz of collage work, problems with me(will say later). and sommat i can't place my finger on which has realy hit me hard it could be the emma thing but i realy am not sure. I feel extreamly bad, empty and something els which i don't know i dinna recogize it but its realy bad. Anyway without all these things from emma (without any return of affection) it is it can only be put as destroying me. I love her to hell but even tho i know she feels the same the fact she is not expressing it makes me feel realy bad and to a small degree woried. She has done this periodicaly but not for this long usualy for a day its been a week now. I feel unwanted and alone. I'm rapidly going downhill with everything and it hurts like hell to see andy and claire together in physics canoodling and laughing and stuff coz it reminds me too much of me and emma and what i have 'lost' then i see her online tonight and i try and talk to her and say things like *huggs emma, and i get nothing in responce to it she ignores it and moves on. I snook several lov ya's and i love u's into the conversation but got absolutly nothing back from them and it hurts like hell when the person u love more than anything in the entire world dosen't say i love u back. It's realy terrible(this may seem trivial to anyone who has not been in love but believe me if u do fall in love u will feel jus the same) Anyway this has just compounded my Dark mood and instead of crying like some people do it is routed into a tight 'knot' in my stomach were i loose my temper alot quicker and get very angry and am always fustrated with people. I suppose it would be better if i jus cried but i seem to have become impervious to it and hav unfortunatly got this method of dealing with things. which is verty bad. I realy want to see emma coz it seems the only way she will break away from her shell and actually become all warm and cuddly and happy, i can understand things may be hard for her at home but she does love me and if she does want to continue our relationship at this distance the worst thing she can do is try and distance herself from that love because it hurts me alot and will proberly in the end break us up coz i'll end up getting so fustrated with her it'll be unbarible and i'll end up loosing my temper and saying sommat bad to her which she will never forgive me for. I can see it now. Its not my fault i feel so helpless and useless when she jus disgards me its not how u treat a boyfriend and someone u love. I hav resumed talking to rachel(from geneva trip) coz i need someone to talk to and i need a good friend and i don't want to avoid her anymore. Someware i am also hoping that she can restore my sanity which i feel slipping away day by day. But the main reason i want to talk to her is coz i like her as a friend and i want to keep her as a friend and keep talking to her. Ok down to my personal problem. I am finding it very hard to concentrate(its not sommat small its a serious problem) my mind is seemin to the only thing i can describe it is float i can't focus on things words or letters, i can read but nothing goes in unless i read it loads of times, my eyes too can't seem to focus i look at a book and hav to concentrate hard to bring it into single vision instead of double. My mind is floating i'm not here but i am i can't focus on doing anything just writing this is realy hard. I keep thinking if i have loads of sleep it will help but i had alot of sleep over the weekend(stayed in bed late) and its not helping. I'm helping mum and hav nbeen helping mum on and off all night on her report thing for her work. she has to write some objectives for all her staff and i've been helping her with word and saving and stuff + listing to her read stuff out and things(which i am finding hard coz i realy have to divert everything i have to actually understand her) which is getting even more worrying. I am also thinking of droping chem and bio and taking up AS level  computing and doing the A2 level at the same time so i can get the full alevel. if i can get the a2 syllibus now with the work i hav to do i will do it over the hols coz it is easy (vb n stuff). Then i will only hav to sit the a2 exam and i can do the a1 module with the class.  I haven't been on mirc for longer than about 2mins today been to buisy. emma woz online and downloaded msn messanger but coluldn't log in (i think its an aol prob i hav the same prob trying to log into aol's instant messanger) Anyway she got kicked off the computer and left WITHOUT saying i love u too which realy hurt. Anyway gotta go coz i want a coffee and my eyes r bluring(maybe glasses will help)

Daily log 16/5/01

Woke up late (9:30) and got to collage realy late like 15mins. It woz ok tho coz we hadn't done much in chemistry. I managed to do the work+the small amount of catchup easily. We learnt about hydrolising stuff and changing alchols into keytones and things i don't remember much about it(no surptise there) Anyway after col I went straight home and started to do some vb programmin (i'm still trying to get my 3d terrain code to work !:( lol) I programmed till 13:40 and went down stairs and made sommat to eat(sandwich with cottage cheese on and a packet of chrisps) and a cup of coffee. It woz realy nice. I watched neighbours wich started at 13:45 and then resumed programmin all afternoon. then mum and dad came home later and I logged onto the net after havin some tea.  Then i stayed on the net most of the night till around 00:00 and started to do some chemistry work, i've still got tonnes to do so i hav to go( oh yeah i talked to emma today too)

Daily Log 17/5/01 23:20

 ITS NOT FUNNY! GRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Emma's parents r being realy childish they can't seem to accept the fact that we are together as more than friends they can't seem to accept the fact that we hug and kiss all i am to them is a friend. ITS PATHETIC can't they take it that I AM EMMA's GIRLFRIEND?! Uknow when i met her in scotland she had been told not to hug me or anything. There IS NO EXCUSE for her mum to be like that it gives me the wrong impression coz i wanted to hug me and it seemed to me like she didn't care until i woz told. WHY? I'm her GF I LOVE HER they can't even seem to accept that. I don't understand pls help?!?!? *cry* GRrrr. Y Y Y? And what the hell is wrong with my computer is it some kind of quantem universe flux?! IT won't connect to the net coz the number is wrong, i went to get the number from my palmtop looked back and the number woz right?!?%RWE EVerything has gone pants today i may hav jus had a' nice' conversation with emma but i offended her by askin y she won't say she loves me. It means lot it means tonnes it makes my day and when she dosen't it gets me all upset and angry like now. I know completly she does love me but over this distance words are all we hav and its a show of her affection if she says it. It means more than anyone can ever imagine and makes me realy upset if she won't say it. Espectially coz of her PARENTS. I mean its not much is it? The i love u phrase can't they see I love her can't they understand that we are boyfriend and girlfriend can't they understand that we have been goin out for almost a year and a half? Canb't they understand that i must have at least kissed her by now? can't they understand that there is a 100% proberbility that we have done more than that by now? What THE HELL is wrong with them? I don't understannd will someone bloody tell meLgrtzeyad

Daily Log 17/5/01 00:00

Msn name:Fire!!

Ok calmed down now got some coffee and some herbal tea nd feeling better now. Phew. Gonna chat a bit online and jus calm down. Everything is ok. Today well i woz up very late that is about 12:00 and got to collage for soon after, got into some massivly serious trouble with andy dawson, and he said effectivly if i even breath wrong he will kick me out but thank god he hasn't told my parents thats his 1 redeeming factor. Anyway had half a biology lesson and a whole maths lesson (went to hospital for lunch too) and we went through a past paper. Then i went home and fell asleep on the sopha and there woz a big problem coz  mum never told me that she woz goin to blackpool and dad woz going to a twilight(a night course that he woz teaching) so i wok up at 18:07 and woz late for my nightcourse. Mum came home soon after and she told me that she woz on a course and dad woz out at a twilightm i had to then leg it to collage and i got there 20mins late¬! noone had bvrought any friends either:( not fair eh? no party :(. lol. anyway what els? oh yeah i got home and i woz locked out coz they had decided to go out for something to eat and they did not tell me and i had lost my keys previously and mum even tisyed my room and left my keys on the bed and i don't believe that she never put 2 and 2 together and relazided that i qwould be locked out lol. anyway chris and his dad were realy kind and took me back to their house. we played around wiht his computer for a while and i read a report that said time machines were theroticaly possible and it woz in newscientist. ! is it ture i hope it is!!! Anyway i got home goin on 11 and went on the net then everything started to fall apart even more after a phone call from emma were well its above. anyway i then went on the net and stayed on for a few hours and got into a argunmetn about my scripts from the net with the preople in my favourite room #netmeeting anyway i got kicked so i got realy anoyed. Yikes and i woz attacked yesterday/today by 950 ships and i destroyed the entire fleet!!! yaay i lost 1 ship llololol. hehe anyway i am now jus buiklding back up(i think the attack woz when i said i can't remember verywell lol) anyway will chat tomorrow (leave a log tomorrow bye!!) oh yeah andy dawson let us out of biology early coz of some taster day people :) so we got a break (10mins) coz we got him stressed and got let out at 16:00 instead of 16:30 lol.

Daily Log 18/5/01

MSN NAME: Thrawn

Hi all again. Got up ontime today and got to col early! Andria woz real happy to see me there ontime.Had an intresting biology lesson were we learn't about the pholem tubes in plants which woz simply facinating. Went home aftr this where i started an installation of win2k on my main machine. (in a 1gb partition i made). Then went back to col and the 1hr maths lesson i had in which we went through a past paper and i had to do most of it myself(very scary lol) i htink i am getting there tho.lol anyway at dinner i went to see kate(my tst) and she helped me with a maths question and we talked about my latest collage status=not doin well but getting hopeful.lol anyway got to physics 5mins late thing with kate took longer than expected but it didn't matter since peter dunne woz late himself. Inphysics we listened to peter drone on for an hour about loads of boring stuff and most of us fell asleep then in the second hour we did some of a past paper which woz extreamly intresting:not. lol anyway what els did i do? I walked home with andy and gave him the game he wanted to borrow (bart v the juggernaughts) for gameboy. Me and andy then chatted a bit and then we both headed out i went to boothes and got phone card + sommat els......um can't remember then said goodbye to andy and got ohyea a video tape and got home just in time to waytch neighbours(on my portable tv whikle i listened to it thru my speakers since i couldn't get tv to work in win2k gr. anyway i gave up and swithced the boot thing back to winme and watched tv there. Buffy woz a real good ep and so woz angel buffy one woz with glory in and the wird army that attacked them all and giles got a spear in his side and almost died. its finished with buffy breaking down after glory has snatched her sis:-the key. in angel angel,wesly,gun,and that wird green guy hav gone off to save cordelia who got accedently transported to a parraled dimenson she woz soon proclaimed queen after they found out she had the sight and it ended with angel n co been dragged to see the queen and they finding out it woz cordela it ended with her sayin 'hi guys' lol anyway i then went onto the web and chatten on netmeeting till around 5am and then wrote this. I'm off to bed now coz i'm realy tired. Night.

19/5/01

MSN Name Thrawn

Ok what hav i done today, not alot i woke up at 16:00 got out of bed and surfed the net. There woz a huge attack and we were all under assult in planetarion so defence woz organized at 00:00 ish. Ok what els? oh yeah i ordered a pizza from this new pizza place it wozn't very good at all especially since it woz about 1hr late! I also watched a bit of tv and talked briefly to zara coz i called emma and talked to her for about an hour, she said she should be on the net tommorow coz she asked her dad about tonight but he said no so i;m waiting for tomorow eagerly. Combat reports are floodin in now and i am sustaing moderate damage and hav lost about 10 roids which is quite good considering, hav got another new member of the alliance today so its a time to celebrate. Anyway what els? oh yeah i must update my startrek pages and add more to my site but i am realy lazy so i can't be bothered. I am however gonna revise soon, lol. Ok thats all for today as u can see it woz a rather dull day. Seya.

20/5/01

MSN Name Thrawn

Ok woke up late today then messed around with win2k for most of the day until i finally got the drivers sorted. And after a bit of probing with the unknown stuff found the one that woz the modem and installed the drivers :) and it didn't crash like the last time :)) anyway its real late now and i've been chattin with rachel and a few other people along side workin on win2k most of the day. And the good news is all i hav to do is switch boot in raid to drive 1 and it boots up win me!(which has incedently got anoyed at me for installin win2k and is now complaining sommat has happened to its program files folder) and has also become massivly unstable eg i can't even make the task bar bigger without it crashing, i can't load up office without waitin about 20mins and the best thing left about it is that the tv dosen't crash much. and in win2k the tv thing dosen't work :( i kanna find out y ati says it should do but nomatter what i do it jus says cannot initalize the video. :( anyway this means i hav to boot back to winme to watch tv. :( anyway talkin to rachel on irc and gonna chat a bit on netmeeting seya.

21/5/01

MSN NAME Thrawn

Ok woke up late again and this time jus barely got to maths 10mins late. Anyway didn't do anythin much in lesson it woz a revision lesson so i finished a question i couldn't(oh yeah mum has been using the computer amd k6-2400 in the pine room for a while now (few days) and she's being doing work on it) jus thought i would mention that its a lil thing. Anyway i've been helpin her a bit and listin to her readin out bits and things and i recently set up the printer to (OOOO i'm writing this from within WIN2k!!!! WOW) work over a network!) anyway back to were i woz we had a realy boring maths lesson but jake helped me with a realy hard pice of work which woz very nice of him (guy who sits behind me and to my right (so i remember later when i read this in the far future who he is)). anyway i then went off to physics (scary) and it woz incredibly BORING! it woz a revision lesson and noone could be realy bothered + we had to listen to peter dunne drone on for the first hour! Ok after that it woz lunch break and i nipped home to watch neighbours then nipped into the SF13 (room next to physics its the cosmic ray room got computers connected to the net and loads of equipment but students who are doing physics are alound to go in there) and chatted a bit with rachel :). anyway after that went off and went to chemistry (10mins later) i then preceded to hav a realy boring chem lesson were we were goin through some dull stuff on the board and some sheets he printed off. k after that i shot home like a bullet and went back to sorting out my tv, mum came home with dad and forgot to buy the buffy season 2 on dvd :((( which woz bad! anyway i watched neighbours downstairs and didn't eat any of the stuff they got from the chippy i jus ate a pot noodle later like i did yesterday. ok what els ahh yes then i woz watchin my portable and listenin to the tv on win2k as i woz on the net, simpsons then simpsons then sommat els then fresh prince. then i messed with the drivers a bit again and as it woz nearing 20:00 had to sort out mum with the work she woz doing in the pine room i aranged it so she could easily click on one of 5 icons each one a piece of her work and said that to get to another piece she had to first click file then save then click the lil x in the top right courner and double click the nex piece of work she wanted.lol anyway time woz growing short and jus managed to get the video recording for voyager as my computer finnished booting into winme it woz terribly slow the operating seems to be getting worse its realy dying anway the tv still worked lol i watched voyager(a boring klingon one) and then helped mum printin stuff and then rebooted back to win2k logged on to the net and went on irc for a few hrs then i decided to reinstall the graphics drivers(ati video input uses these and another thing) but the machine decided to take ages so i put my head down for a rest while it started to shutdown and woke up at 01:30 lol anyway i decided to wrrite this and then i am now gonna go off to bed lol!

Daily log 22/5/01

Ok i got to collage ontime today!!! had a realy boring physocs lesson with peter dunne babbling as usual, folowed by a 20min tutorial with jus 3 of us in the class, I then went out to the hospital to get some food, it wos brunch day so i got egg, bacon and beans and chips. With some shortcake for desert. Ok then after i headed straight home and had a fiddle with my computer to see if i could get tv working in win2k which i failed. anyway after that and lyin on the bed a bit coz i woz tirred i headed back to collage and off to a boring maths lesson, the maths lesson was a revision less n and io spent the entire time talking to a friend about various stuff, i then went off to my biology lesson oh yreah i got attacked lastnight and didn't know about it until the pohysics breakj when nickey checked the galaxy sccreen gp i better check it now since it is 04:00 pls wait.... nope all is quiet (phew) anyay what els o yes after maths i had biology in which we did some stuff about the oxyhaemoglibin and andy dawson lnked it into the carbon dioxide dcycle too which woz most fun, me and adny keighley went to the refavtory at break and got a cvoordnetto icecream we were gonna get a slush puppy thing but they had run iout of plastic cups. ok after this we went back to buiology and did some wquestion papers and mae andyy omar and hab had a small debnate about politics. ok after that we all went home, i messed wwith win2k a bit and still couldn't get tv to work and i then installed office 2000 and looked everyware for visual studio cd 1 which i could not find no matter how hard i looked. ok after that i dunno i guess em oh yeah i went on the web after watching neighbours chatted to chris zara rachel aemma logged on and there woz a problem with aol and i couldn't talk to her so i rang her later. the conversation woz good but the end woz tainted again coz she can't seem to say i love u anymore which each time she neglects to say it it gets more disturbing and more, i hope now she's gonna be in endinbough with her mobile she can at least say it! ok what els yes i talked to chris a bit about win2k then checked out planetarion and hav been watching buffy season 2 dvd boxset since about 18:00 and it is now 04:00lol anyway while watching buffy season 2 boxset on dvd i woz also chatting on #netmeeting on irc which has been quite fun we've talked about everything right u[p to different sizes of nipples (that woz a bit of a shock nj(a girl) said she had to get a towel coz her nipples were hard and they hurt when they do that and someone commented on it then all of us were launched into the wirdest debate lol, anyway soon after (about 30mins) it switched into a i want airborns sandwich thing and has been moving on swiftly from there last time i looked they were talking about different types of food and silver had just sat down in airborn's lap for some reason lol. we are all mad i know.anyway gotta go o and gal_from_cal hasn't been in today :( anyway gonna watch buffy again or maybe go to bed depends and i'm gonna chat on irc again seya later.

Daily Log 23/5/01

MSN NAME:Thrawn: get that ><((((º> off my bridge!

What a day! its wednesday by the way lol. Fantastic weather all day as in fantastic as in as hot if not hotter than spain! wow! phew,its boiling here as in completly boiling! Anyway got to chem early! which woz nothin short of a miricle and went through  a boring chem lesson (stayed up most of last night!) the chem lesson woz revision stuff. Ok after this i went into the alevel centre and started to build some stuff on planetarion then i got bored when i'd done everything and shot off home after pickin up a ham and coldslaw sandwich with chrisps(sommat els i forgot to tell zara i had eaten later) ok I got home with tonnes of time to spare so i had a coffee(o yeah i've decided i definatly like most of the people at the tills at the sandwich bar) and ate my sandwich n stuff. After that i settled down to watch neighbours in the living room(tv still offline upstairs) i'd already had about a zillion calls from emma(well only a few) in the morning she woz sayin she had got her dad's mobile(remember she has gone up to edimbough) anyway my mobile rung and it woz zara which woz an instant shock, anyway it turnes out that zara had been wandering around collage ever since the chem revision lesson finnished(not my chem it woz sa revision lesson after my chem) and she woz so massivly bored and 'wandering around like a lost sheep' that she decided to ring me so we could go into town together. anyway i went off into town with zara after gettin there 15 mins after the 10 i said i'd be there in(hey had to comb hair change t-shirt etc lol) anyweay as i woz goin up to meet zara 'outside collage um em u know were that thing outside collage' as u can see i'm very descriptive! i woz thinkin about what we wer gonna do, the first thing that came to mid woz that we'd be com[letly bored jus strollin around town so i decided that if zara wanted to we could walk to the docks(about 45mins away) so we got into town and after a brief walk around(the bus woz pretty crowded by the way and i had to swap zara some change to get on there i also remember faticiously checkin my own money to make sure i woz pputtin in 83p and then another part of my mind kept sayin u sureits 83? i thought it woz more expensive)and a trip to debanhams we set off on the long and chatty walk to the docks in the fantastic heat. ok i got to the docks with zara and we walked along the 'prom' as my mum calls it and we walked up to morrisons to get a drink since we wer both very thirsty, we went into the lil cafa thing and zara got a bottle of water that is and i got a milkshake(cafe in morrisons) anyway we headed out goin on 4oclock and walked over to were the free bus woz (oh yeah emma rang me on the bus grr) the free bus woz gonna take me and zara into preston coz she wanted to get her free bus from college back to were she woz livin. but after another phonecal from emma in which i anoy(o yeah sent emma 2 txt msgs in the alevel centre) ed her by remindin her she woz walkin on a very tall cliff (she dosen't like heights) lol em what els?? em ekk oh yeah back on track now lol.  i then headed back with zara into town (walked) zara fancyed walking so we walked back chattin about this and that (i think i finally confidently know the way to the docks now!) and then i escorted zara  to the bus station were she headed off home on the pay bus and i rang mum(before me and zara got to the busstation) to see if i could get a lift home with dad when dad came to pick her up. she said yers and even offered me an icecream lolly thing. Anyway i set off to walk to mum's works and after i brief stop in cash converters got there at 16:50ish wer i rang mum but she didn't answer so i waited out side in the massivly boiling heat until dad arrived then i shot into the car and mum came out from work a few mins after were she asked if i wanted a lolly and i said no (wish i  said yea now lol)anyway got home and after finding out we had no post coz post people r on strike o and mm told me that one of her clients went to work out as casual labour at the sorting office which woz i said nice of him but it turned out it woz coz he didn't want to go on this work action scheme or another and if he went to help out the sorting office then he didn't hav to go to the scheme! talk about cleaver andyway back to the point i woz panickin about my report being delivered and being addresesd to my parents so i am intersepting all mail before they get it cept there wozn't any there woz jus a charity clothes bag thing (phew) anyway after mum purswaded me to hav sommat to eat( a chicken tikka) i went upstairs to waite for it to be readyy should hav taken 15mins and when it woz ready neighbours would be up to the point i wanted to watch it at anyway  dozed on theabout 30mins and woke up jus goin past six to mum yellin ready! and it turns out she got destracted watchin some program or aother on tv so i missed me neighbours lol!!! anyway i then went onto the web and chatted with zara for a bit and talked to chris about windows 2000 and the facti can't watch tv in chris seems to think its sommat to do with the service pack he thinks it mught work after i install it even tho i don't hav it so he is bringing it for me tomorrow(on the night course) anyway after a few phonecalls from emma coz i beeped her and she kept beepin me back but i woz a tad buisy i finally rang her back to be met with utter chaos remember it woz goin on 00:00 and thery wer screamin and talkin realy loud and generaly messing around and being incredibly imature and actin like 5yearolds which got me immediatly anoyed further more backed up by the same kinda thingk later it realy does show how imature she can be sometimes(then again i hav been known to be a bit imature at times(honestly can't think of when tho) i think i hav soboured up too much infact)(must be all the exam revision i need to do)) anyway i chatted to my mates online about about emma and i also sent emma a few more text messages then i talked to gal_from_cali on the net till very early in the morn(05:00) then i decided to write this now i'm goin to bed!! goodnight! wish me look gettin up in the morning!!

Daily Log: 24/5/01

Ok what is there to say except i woke up for the second time in a row convinced i woz late for collage and had to check every clock in the house to persuade me i wozn't. I thenm went to collage and woz there early again and bob addams himself woz late(by agbout 2mins) anyway had a borin chem lesson and karl had to be moved away from me co he woz talkin too much to me lol, its usualy me who talks too much to him and as i result i get moved. Thats bob addams way of doin things. anyway after chem i had a tremendusly boring biology lesson in which it woz all boring revision and we went through theoxygen cycle in ur blood n stuff. anyway went home for lunch and had the usual ham and coldslaw sandwich(bought from the sandwich shop) and headed off back to coll after loungin on my bed a bit for a quick lounge. wether still extreamly hot and everyone is feelin it its jus burnin. Anyway got to maths about 2mins late only to find out we've been kicked from our rooms due to exams! o emma not rang me yet,.strange anyway we wer moved to this poky 5metre by 10metre porta cabin that had been closed all day and when me and omar finaly found it (we went to the wrong portacabins coz we lost the main group coz we wer walkin too slow) we got in and almost melted from the heat it woz worse than a sauna there. Anyway david went off to photocopy some answers for us and i read an article on the space elevator in newscientist then david came back and said we could all go if we wanted to so i got home quite early, i watched loads of ep's of buffy n went to the c++ course at night which we just barely got to on time well i woz a few mins late as usual. Anyway did no work at the c++ course i remained jumpy that my mobile would go off and got home and surfed the web till about 11:30 had a quick bath made a drink and wrote this. anyway gonna lie on the bed for a while coz am gettin tired seya!

Daily Log: 25/5/01

Woke up real early (like 1am) to my phone uttering its last dying beep as its battery finally gave up and i fell back asleeponly to wake up at 7am and then again at 7:30 as i had breakfast at 8am i plugged my mobile in for charge and fell asleep again i woke up intermittently over the next hour until i woke up around 0900 and panicked thinkin i woz late again lol. anyway got to college today ontime and had a wonderfully boring biology lesson briefly talked to emma on the way to collage but had to hang up coz iu wazn't walkin fast enough tried ringin her throughout the day but mobile woz switched off. Anyway had a borin biology lesson goin through past paper n stuff. Then went home with my usual ham and coldslaw sandwich and a packet of chrisps (definaytly becomming a habbit now!) gonna hav to change that to some other form of sandwich. anyway got back intime for maths and we went through some past paper questions which woz deadly boring then i had to go and see akate after maths whichoverrun coz david woz answering a few extra questions. Hey i broke up today big deal yada yadda. Got to kate and had an intrestin time devising a way to remember what mitosis and meiosis and alkanes and alkenes were. Then talked about my exam clash i'm gonna be doin exams on the monday back from 2pm till 6pm! nasty! ok after that i went to physics were i remembered thati had to go and get my exams timetable back off kate at 15:35 5mins late i stupidly exclaimed a loud 'o sht' in the refactory after andy read the reminder on my hand and shot up so fast the chair went fallin down then shot off to get the paper off kate out like a speedin bullet lol. ok what els em yes i got the paper alright and o yeah saw some cute sweet photoes of andy and zara that rachel had from geneva and there woz a funny pic of sash completly wasted with his eyes rolled up in his head lol. after physics i went home and zonked a bit till goin on 5:30 wer i watched neighbours simpsons and listened to another simpsons and watched malcom in the middle computer then packed in a bit and had to do a long aurface scan as in missed the pressin button to stop it in win2k and it started and i couldn't stop it. anyway got cut off in a conversation with zara coz my machine started to scrw up and oteah my winme partition still works but the windows me itself has decided to completly die which is very worrying. so watched angel and buffy on my old computer(athlon500 with tnt2 elsa erazor card in) but liked to my main onnitor even tho they both 17inch but main monitor is easier to see where it is. THe buffy episode focused mainly around willow goin into buffy's head and tryin to bring her out of a catatonic state, thenangel ep woz in the demon world and angel tried to turninto a vampire andd the true demon came out which woz not very nice at all and it overopowered him. anyway he finally changed back but woz massivly desturbed. meanwhile cordela wad to mate with another human coz she woz the princess and she decided to make some reforms which got hthe monk demons realy anoyed so they told her who woz realy bos and showed her the head of the realy cool green skinned karakoi bar singer on a platter whomb she just pardonned from a crime. which woz realy sad coz he woz cool. anyway what els? i em talked with zara a bit we r plannin to go out nxt week someware, talked to andrew he plannin hopefully to go to pub with me tomorrow coz i'm depressed i'm not sure exatly y but an gettin very depressed recently, spoke to chris briefly and then decided to write this. May write more late seya!

26/5/01

Stayed in bed most of today and got up around 18:00, had some tea and went on the internet, stayed on most of the night not called emma today and the op's on my favourite channel did not make me an op like they were talking about last night. Thats about it for today, not done much, oh yeah planning to get a big hard disc tomorrow at the computer fair.

27/5/01

Never went to bed last night, stayed on #netmeeting until 10:00 hrs when after a biref trip to the papershop to get a video tape to record the grand prix i went off to the computer fair with chris dell (computer fair located at preston north end football stadium) I went around a bit and saw mr cummings but he woz not very polite and didn't say much to us infact he virtually ignored us. computer fair didnot have many people there but after along time i decided to buy 2 40gb hard discs since they would be more cost efficent since i would raid link them together to 1 big 80gb hard drive. After the computerfair i went back to chris's house were we messed around with various computers n stuff + raid linked my 2 40gb drives, watched 2 nxt gen episodes and had a curry for lunch :). Chris's mum woz then realy nice and gave me a coffee machine thing that makes coffee (u put it on the stove n the water goes up through the coffee stuff into the pot thing at the top) she also gave me some coffee to go with it :))). What els did i do? oh yeah i got home at 18:30, chris and mum and dad went back off to the lakes coz they r on a timeshare weekend. Anyway got home n went on the web, fell asleep at 21:00 and briefly woke up long enough to write this(woz very tired) anyway gotta go now, seya.

28/5/01

Well well well, what did i do today??? I got up very late (2pmish) and watched babalon 5 film day on the scifi channel until 20:00, followed by startrek voyager at 20:00 which woz a good episode for a change voyager got stuck in this fold in subspace were there were tonnes of stranded ships unable to escape all competing for resources, in the end Jainway formed an alliance with a small number of ships and shared out virtually all voyagers food reserves altho she got some technology back in return one the things being and upgrade to the replicator systems allowing them to feed 500 people per day which means when voyager got out there would be absolutly no replicator rations as in ever again. What did i do after that? i watched firstwave series 3 episode 1, the Guar(alien dudes) were sending down an army into a small town and Kade had to destroy all the orbs (they carry the aliens until they ready to steal peoples bodies) and at the same time compete with a town who had made a deal with the guar that is they help them with their army or the entire town would be killed. Anyway Kade ended up destroyin them as usual, anyway hav been up most of the night now chatting with my friends on irc, gonna get some revision done tomorrow and gonna do it in 30min style 'coffee' breaks from the computer (looks like sleep is off the agenda for a long time) I also gave emma a bit of a hard time for the all of 20mins she woz online i wozn't too communicable (omg i actually spelt something right) coz its getting difficult to deal with her being emotionless so i sent a long and hard email to her talking about everything that had happened. Gal_from_Calif woz also online tonight but i didna talk to her at all appart from a brief hi. I spoke alot to _fireworf_ and LadyChatterly (2ops from my channel) talkin about makin me op n various rules n stuff anyway o yaeah i had a REAL coffee thing here at home usin one of those silver coffee things where u pressure the water through the beans, anyway gonna chat all night now n maybe try n watch the grand prix later. Seya

29/5/01

Well never got to watch the grandprix, anyway desided to go to bed at about 06:00 which woz completly stupid coz it ended up that i did not wake up till around 13:00. At which i went off to get something to eat at the hospital, note realy need to change my t-shirt now had same orange one on for 3 days. Anyway got home n watched buffy all day which woz stupid, tried to do some maths but jus gave up and continued watching buffy. What a day eh? I can't seem to revise no matter what i do i jus can't revise. Anyway finnished all the buffy now, buffy jus killed angel even tho he had got his soul back, egeraly awaiting season 3 on dvd. Can't wait for it. Anyway problems problems problems. chatted with zara tonight and she wanted to get out someware, i kinda wanted to do the same but nothing arose from it and we both ended up stayin in which woz realy bad coz i've been on the net most of the night talking to all my friends, scoob, Mr_chico, and people but something went wrong i warned someone for requesting for gals like the topicc states but got Lady_chatterly commin back to me sayin i shouldn't hav done that coz he never broke the rules, then coz of a combenation of disconnects and her being disconnected i ended up repeatin too much to lady_chatterly and she got abit anoyed. Anyway i decided to quit before i dug the hole any deeper and logged off irc. Now am very depressed coz of exams and all and not talkin to emma and things, i jus want to revise its not that hard to ask isn't it? all i want to do is revise i can't tho, i sit down and start to read stuff and my mind jus wonders about emma, thinks about partyin, thinks about zara, andy, college, coffee,irc, everything i can't focus nothin i can do will make me focus what am i gonna do, i hav 2 chemistry exams on monday(tuesday now) and i'm gonna fail them all god i haven't even done any chemisty yet, gonna hav to do tomorrow, HELP, y isn't it like on buffy, willow comes over to buffy's house and helps buffy to revise all the time, y don't any of my friends do that, y dosen't that happen over here? There must be some other way to revise short of building some kinda computer program which would jus take too long now to get right, i can't sort anything out, what can i do? Anyway had pasty at hospital, wether woz fine and sunny,installed visual studio on my vmware virtual machine and confused zara a bit by talking about it.  Also sent an email to emma infact sent 2 emails to emma, she's too far away tho, i don't know what she can do to help, i feel completly alone its 05:00 and noone is around, i'm completly lost what am i gonna do? how am i gonna get some revision done? is it possible to actually get me through the exams intact? am i gonna end up tryin to revise on the last night and making a complete balls of it? how the heck does all u lot actually manage to sit down and try n revise? i mean i hav 4 sides of pink paper with all of chemistry module 3 on to revise today(wednesday) since its past 00:00 i mean how can anyone revise from it its jus impossible. Anyway i'm jus depressed now so i'm goin to bed, night.

30/5/01

msnname: Thrawn:doomed

Oh well i stayed in bed till 14:00 today and dozed with the window open till goin on 16:00 listing to the sounds outside, i then tried to revise chemistry and actually managed to revise 2 sides of the pink sheets i'm ment to revise but could i revise the other 2, no, i sit down and start to read them and learn them and what happpens my mind wonders i started to think about how to get the last episode of voyager downloaded at my course on next thursday i even came up with a whole plan involving a zip drive, winzip splitting the files into 2 and my laptop to get the files off the 2 zip discs and that allowing me to download part 2. I did all this without even realising what i woz doin, I jus can't revisie what am i gonna do??? anyway went to the hospital for tea with mum and dad wer too late the main resteraunt woz closed so we wrnt to the cafe and the food woz freezin and horrible so wernt to booths and got some food and went home and mum put a spasty on for mee. i then logged on and talked to Mr_chico and a few people ofn irc for a bit then all the lamers came and i warned em and stuff but jus decided to giv up since i couldn't kick em coz i wonzn't an opp so i quit and tried to do some revision were i managed maybe to learn the first word on the 3rd pink page. Then i jus gave up and came back here listenin to music on my headphones and decided to write this, gotta go now zara wants to talk to me i've alreasdy left her waiting for a long time.will write later.

31/5/01

MSN NAME: Thrawn: Got tv to work!!

Well i stayed up most of last night and this morn i spent ages reinstalling win2k bye the book i didn't do anything that woz wrongm installed 2k installed patch, installed dx8, installed graphics drivers, installed media centre and the tv jus worked!!! Anyway then put the grand prix on that i recorded on sunday and started to do some chem revision after sorting out all my sheets into piles maths, physics etc. I did upto chapter 4 in the chem while watchin the grandprix (monico shumacher won followed by barracelo and a few others) what els oh yeah then went of to my grans and we stoped off at the Brewers Fayre (pub on the moors) and i ate a gammin, and watched a few kids play on the thing outside mum gave up our seats in the pub for a group of 6 people (we moved to a table with 4) which woz very nice of her. I woz realy hungry. Then went off to my grans were i saw akll the work mum and dad did on grans house it looks realy good. Talked to uncle james and listened to gandma talk abouther darts club and watched that survivors thing on itv then had to go home. Got home fixed the connection to the net(wrong password or sommat) and connected to the net. Been on the net from then on had q uick chat with zara she wozn't in a very good mood 'pissed offf'; coz of band and decided she woz gonna switch into another band then joined irc and Chaynez and Crystaline aka Lady_Chatterly made me and Mr_Chico an op after a bit of confusion about thinking mr chico woz an op (he went round to visit chaynez and went on there comp for a bit and switched the name to Mr_Chico, lol. Feg cameonline at 02:00 but woz buisy so never found out what he woz up to. Hav been chattin most of the night and thats about it. Also rang emma but she woz ill inbed which has got me a bit concerned and i taled to mum a bit about possibly bringhing emma on hols with us it could be ppossible but it is up to me and i honestly don't jknow if i want her to come after recent lack of emotions n stuff. Anyway lets see what happens next time i talk to her. Gotta go SexiDiana is jumping up and down on my bed!

1/6/01

Slept most of the day did some chemistry revisioin and watched buffy and angel, called emma and had a long chat with her about things BUFFY'S DEAD *cry* sigh exams soon, need to do more revision mum bought me a graphics calc today which woz nice of her now all i've got to do is figure out how to use the damn thing. I'm missin emma. Been on irc n thats about it for the rest of the night up till when i wrote this, got the name Knight-Rider now.

2/6/01

Saturday yawn, did loads of revision loads being the operative word gettin depressed need to do more revision. very depressed. Talked a bit on irc again and reinstalled winme over my dammaged winme. Now back in winme coz 2k woz jus too unstable. Sigh

3/6/01 03:49(so its realy the 4th)

Sorry for all the quick logs but nothin has happened jus been sleepin most of the day like today, very depressed miss emma terribly i wish she woz here now to help me n be with me n offer support. :( am very depressed exams are imminent 2 chemistry exams, i've now completly given up on all my chemistry exams. i'm more than doomed in chemistry, i'm now jus gonna focus on maths biology and physics, i'm doomed. Sigh help. talked to a few people tonight helped karl with his relationship with loz i think thats what has brought on my huge depression i miss emma i can't cope with this distance it hurts i realy want to be with her and see her smile but she's jus not here its not fair what am i gonna do without her? my massive emotional support is lost i'm collapsing i can't cope with all this its terrible. NJ has walked out on us ops they had a bit of an argument and nj said the channel sux and lady chatterly siad she either apoligizes or quits which wozn't very nice. anyway NJ has walked out into adm(adult net meeting) which i hav to admit is a more active n chatty channel which i'm gonna be goin in a bit more often. Netmeeting may be a very good channel but i want to see about the other one. Even tho i hav no intenetion of leavin netmeeting.

4/6/01

Well i've done my chemistry exams the module 2 woz realy hard but i think i managed to pass the module 1 paper. Today as jus been plain depressing watched voyager it woz the first of a two parter in which most of the crew landed on a planet in escape pods and got 'treated' their memorys were erased and they thought they wer janeway etc but couldn't remember anythin about voyager so they all settled down into jobs.What else did i do u may ask, i woke up at 03:00 and thought what the heck and when did i even fall asleep. Anyway i've jus lookd at the pure 1 paper again now i've woken up and i think i'm doomed the world is at its end i'm gonna fail. Meanwhile the bird in the hanging basket is still doin fine something scared them earlier ut they hav settled back down on their eggs. Ok i'm jus gonna go back to bed and pretend that tomorrow dosen't exist. Oh yeah called emma but woz cut off abruptly coz someone needed the phone.

5/6/01

Well tomorrow did exist and i've jus flunked my pure 1 maths exam i did however i think ace my biology exam i hope. I also found out today of all days that i need an a in maths to get on the cource i want to go on at uni. DAMN. ok what am i gonna do now? well i sent an email off hoping my cirty an dguilds things in c++ would help but am now waiting on a reply. Also sent out all my fleets on planetarion off to defend someone in another universe. Well the bird is still fine. I spoke to ema today and had a long chat and altho i liked the chat it did n't work sshe still isn't unknow with her feelings things r going further downhill, stats 2 on thursday will try and get loads of revision done for that. Woz online most of tinight altho i should have been revising, nothing much happened. Gonna go to bed now coz its very late. Hope to get some revision done tomorrow.

6/6/01

Well so much for doing revision i woke up goin on 4pm which is typical, now i'm gonna hav to revise most of the night yeah fat chance, i will try. Things hav gone bad to worse got too much revision to do and not enough time to do it. My mood has also deterioated am now not particulary happy at all. Went to booths in the pooring rain and walked it both ways got some shopping tea bags coffee 2 milkshakes cake square things and a butter pie, jus had tea I don't seem to care anymore, there's noone emma isn't there anymore she's busy elsware and happy elseware, i think if i offered her the choice she'd drop me. For te first time in more than a year i'm becomming completly alone. I can't talk to my parents about it they don't understand and jus don't understand i can't explain it. To be honest if i had a granade and someone pulled the pin out i'm not sure if i would even bothere to put it back in. Think i'm doin ok tho with people keeping up some kind of appearance that i'm ok, what the hell am i gonna do? Oh yeah jus watched ds9 which a killer woz on the loose killing people he used a rifel with titanium bullets and a micro transporter which fired the bullet and beamed it about 1cm away from the personthe bullet then continued on its trajectory into the person and he used a scnanner thing to see through walls and stuff so he could kill eveyone on the station at any distance which woz quite neat. It turned out to be a vulcan which surved on the uss grison which woz destroyed in a battle with the Jem'Hdar and 1200 people died he woz one of 6 survivors ezri dax brough the memories of the forgotten host which used to hav the symbiont of dax inside him and he woz a killer he tought ezri to think like a killer etc in order to find the killer. Dax found him. The vulcan woz doing it because he thought logic demanded it so he woz clearly mad.Anyway i need to do something like revise now which i prolly won't i'll proberly go on the net when i can finally get connected followed by connect to irc and then at arounf 02:00 i may actually get 5mins of revision done. I wish i'd done it rtoday instead of leavin it to tonight coz i won't be able to do it there arfe too many distractiuons at night.

Dalily log 7/6/01

IRC nick=angelus-

MSN Nick=Angelus

Very long day today had a statistics exam, spent the morning revising and dozing thought the exam woz in the morning but found out that it woz in the evening after spending the entire night revising. Woz awake enough for the exam tho. I think i managed to ace it! I hope anyway, anyway things r goin from bad to worse i'm feelin realy crappy Emma is one major problem she's jus not respondin zombie like, anyway got all friday to brood since i've no exams, gonna take it nice and easy. Buffy and angel rn't on tho :( jus repeats now :(. Anyway what els am i gonna do? i dunno i suppose i'll jus chat on the net most of the night proberly anyway, i don't think zara has been on tonight got a bad memory. Anyway am off now not much els to say oh yeah launched a defence force to protect claires second planet which is now owned by someone els. Anyway gonna go on the net listen to some music and brood.

Daily log 8/6/01

IRC nick= Knight-Rider

MSN nick = Angelus-(can't be bothered to change it)

Well doin good today :) spent most of the day brooding and watching old voyager videos, went out to the hospital for tea with mum and got a nice butter pie chips and gravy, :) watched half of neighbours and went on the net, alot of people wer under attack tonight but i decided not to launch defence wozn't feeling in a defendy mood. Woz very depressed, also downloaded loads of mp3's and one of em woz encripted GRrrrr. spent most of the night as angelus but gal_from_cali aka Jenna came in to the channel and cheered me up now i'm in a very good mood hence the nick Knight-Rider. It should last at least a day. :)))))))))))))))) Oh yeah talked to emma today too especially about recent things aka her been a zombie style with her feelings n stuff but didn't make much leway. Things with emma at the mo simply rn't good, i don't think i want to loose her yet but the way things r goin it looks inevitable. Altho she seemed pretty concerned about me on the phone coz i didn't sound ok to her she sensed sommat woz up and recons she never realized how things wer going. Anyway had some fun on irc chatted with Mr_chico, chatted with a few people n had a quick convo with chaynez and lady_chatterly jus been chattin with diana aka sexidiana about lc(lady_chatterly) banning her from the channel coz she advertised another channel. My mood has already sunk back to before, nick angelus that didn't last long!lol sigh. Bloody hell talk about gettin pissed off, i'm in the middle of it now this argument between lc and sexidiana. Jus bloody great how anoyin, its realy gonna but me in the bad books now. If i support one i get the other pissed off if i support the other i get the other pissed off. If i stay quiet i piss em both off i can't bloomin win. y do i always hav to get in the middle of things? if i'd jus ignored diana like the rest of the ops i wouldn't be in the middle but did i, no. jus typical i decided to talk to her about it. now if i had been in my bad mood before i wouldn't hav done that, u see what been in a good mood does? damn anyway am back in a bad mood again and this music is REALY buggin me GRTRRRRTDHYFGY. Sorted switched it. things hav gone quiet now too quiet. Anyway i'm still an op so she musant hav been to mad at me. Things goin from bad to worse i jus yelled at some idiot who kept repeatin on the channel he only wanted someone to test his cam but i've had enough of idiots askin that. Anyway jus had a long chat with dianna on msn switched to computer stuff coz she;s a computer person. she woz sayin a friend woz havin loads of problems with amd strange. i've found that everythin up to 1gz woz fine with amd. jury still out on the 1gz due to instability need bigger heatsync + linux installed to find out. OMG i'm remotly tired, i only jus had coffee cake about 2hrs ago, oh well i guess its time for some more cofeee, oh yeah kenco rapor = crap kenco realy smooth :). Gonna head off now to get some coffee and close down frontpage coz i'm writin too much and its been open half the night already. Anyway its actually 05:57 now so its very light outside and its realy the 9th now. Anyway am off so seya.

Daily log 09/06/01 19:00

Well what hav i done today? um not much, Watched tv, watched buffy ate a bit and thats basicaly about it. Proberly one of the shortest log enteries yet eh? I've jus talked with katie (stephen harris's gf) but hav gone off line coz i'm realy tired since i never went to bed last night, gonna hav a rest now.

Daily Log 10/06/01

Well well well..... woke up very early today and got up, had every intention of doing revision until i discovered that my exam woz on tuesday  instaead of monday then the intention flew out of the window. lol Anyway i logged on the net quite early today and got msged by diana she told me that there were a few problems on my irc channel (#netmeeting) and that chaynez has closed the entire channel. i logged onto irc as quick as possible but it woz too late the channel woz on invite only the end seemed to hav happened. I then memo'd Chaynez and Mr_Chico and a few other people to try and find out what had happened and to my dismay found out that the ops had revolted against chaynez (well a few ops) and he had mkicked everyone out of the channel then +i'd it (invite only) anyway i msged chaynez when i found out there woz more than 1 person in the channel that woz supposed to be in. and chaynez chatted with me for a bit after inviting me into #netmeeting we had a long talk then i went off with every intention of doing some studies, i got a wie small bit done and watched 2 buffy episodes on dvd part 1 and 2 of the episode where that second slayer comes in and buffy manages to defeat spike by making the piano crash ontop of him and drusilla as he woz making his getaway, buffy managed to save angel from the ritual they were doing to restore drusilla and they all lived happily ever after j/k. anyway what woz next yup i woz on irc all day or most of it anyway the channel woz going +r for a while until chaynez turned it off then he decided to make it +r in a few weeks (registered nicks only) then he cancelled it completly. We are slowly going back up in numbers now but are floating around the 30 since chaynez banned everyone on #adultnetmeeting so alot of the regulars hav gone and a few others get kicked when they join coz they r on that channel. I'm confident the numbers will slowly increase back to normal in time. Had a long chat with gal_from_calif today until she left abruptly. Also mum reminded me about the grandprix at 12:59 ish so me and mum went out to get some video tapes after i purswaded her to come out coz she woz worried she woz looking very scruffy. anyway i got the tape oh yeah mum went to get her hair cut on saturday and while she woz doing it i spent ages trying to get internet sharing to work on one of my machines in the end i jus gave up and moved the computer in my bedroom that worked with internet sharing into the pine room for mum and moved the computer that didn't work with internet sharing into my bedroom so i could sort it out since i want the com[puter in the pine room back since its a athlon 500 and i can't hav it jus sittin around viewing the net i need it for compressing moveis and stuff and the p200 that i moved into my bed room is no good for that at all, anyway if i'm desperate i can always compress on my main computer in my bedroom (athlon 1gz) however i prefer to leave that free as much as possible. anyway where woz i oh yeah i managed to find some tapes at the booths thing but they wer £6.99 for 3 e-180 casettes !!! terrible so i went off to the hospital with mum(its sunday today by the way so i couldn't go to the newsagents in booths coz it closes at 12:00) and the newsagents in the hospital seems to be always open i wouldn't be surprised if it woz open at 00:00. Anyway they had restocked on video tapes (very top shelf but i could reach them) i bought a video tape and a rules and headed out back home, once home i had tea(aha thats another reason why i went to booths to get bacon in breadcrumbs things that i ate for tea on saturday coz i liked em so muchg that i wanted to eat them again for dinner on sunday. Where woz i ah yeas i got home had tea and wrote up my video tape (date and grandprix) then i stuck the tape in the machine and came back up here to my room to chat on irc for a while then as 5:14 appeared i shout downstairsa nd pressded record on the video recorder. I then chatted online for a bit longer and found out tat my dcc send wozn't working on mirc and me and the guys/gals on the channel spent ages trying to sort it out i'm not sure if iut works properly now!,anyway half way between sorting oit out i rang emma, mshe woz jus getting ready for a bath so i thought the phone convo waz gonna be short but it wozn't she actualy talked with me while she woz in the bath! what a picture that much hav been wow my gf in the bath :)  happy now. lol anyway we had a long chat that seemed to be going ok until she brought up the parrinoyed thing and she woz realy scared to talk about any of our relationship problems coz she thought the phone woz being monitored or someone woz always looking over her shoulder etc so we ended up the conversation extreamly badly and i got rather anoyed with her, i then went back onto the net it wzo going on 23:20 at this time and i went back onto the net and virtually exploded and woz bery anoyed and had to apoligize to everyone i then chatted with gal from cali for a while befroe she left abruptly so i stayed for another hour(goin on 05:00) then logged off wrote this and am now planning to go to bed. Goodnight all! oh yeah that is technicalky incorrect since gal from cali left at around 02:00 i then 'went to bed' at around then to try n sleep bt filed so i got back up again coz i couldn't sleep went back on irc then after a few more hours in which i wrote this and chatted online i plan to go to bed it is going on 05:00. Night all!!

Daily log 11/06/01

Well, been a monday no exams today spent half the day asleep, and playing x wing alliance i'm now fully in my gaming phase again, wicked game i'm in a campaign against the rebels and i'm fighting the last battle campaign which is basicaly one i've created in which its a fight to the death between the last star destroyer Chimera and its rag tag fighters now down to prey birds (pirate ships) since the last shipyard for the empire went down ages ago and the empire's resources are almost completly gone, the one ship chimera and Admerial Pellaon are fighting a rag tag battle against massivly bad odds to hold their own against the evil rebels. So far i've run 2 battles and the second of which isn't going very well its easy enought to defeat all the fighters that defend the 3 escort frigates the problem is that the Chimera's weapons won't lock onto them coz the ships are too fast so i'm having to dance in and out of the starships lasers inorder to get close enough to destroy one of their weapon systems then high tail it away at full speed, regenerate my shields and fly back in for another shot, problem is i either get destroyed or the chimera gets destroyed before i can do it. anyway i can retry 3 times in 2 battles so i can try once more fingers crossed. I watched the grandprix! wicked race fantastic loads of cars went out near the end coz the canadian course is realy hard on the breaks and killed alot of the car's break pads, shumacher woz in the lead until he had to go into the pits which he did and ralf shumacher took the lead(his brother) ralf had been hot on michal's heals all the race and once michael had gone ralf shot ahead and managed to get enough of a lead to allow him to go into the pits and out of the pits again after refuling and still stay infront of michael, time ticked on and michael shumacher simply couldn't catch up so ralf won, followed by michael then someone els i can't remember followed by a veteran who'd been in for ages i can't remember his name either but he threw his cromeplated helmit into the crowd for everyone coz he woz so happy about gettin 4th. Anyway what els did i do? yep i watched voyager which woz most borin janeway got her memory back yada ya borin. what els? ah yes i chatted on irc alot and initated more metal asteroids on planetarion (i'm on an initation fest) initating as many roids as possible now in orer to get as much metal and crystal as possible per hour so i can build tonnes of ships later. what els? em um em nothin, thats about it.

12/6/01

Tuesday, had my exam hmm i opened the chemistry module 2 paper and thought 'oh crap' i couldn't do any of it! but as time went on i managed to answer more and more (hopefully right) and i valiently answered most of the paper so i've got my fingers crossed metaphoricaly speaking and i hope i'm going to get a goodish grade in this module so i'll get a c or sommat at the end of it all. what hav i eaten today? i ate nothin until about 23:30 when i put a chicken latice(pasty with chicken inside) into the oven(15mins) then put the woffels in too (potato woffels) then i managed after a further 12 minutes to put the beans on the stove and i timed everything perfectly and got a brilliant meal out of it. Gal_from_calif woz on again tonight and she's completly hooked on making this internet server thing so her friends can host web pages on it oh yeah and if anyone is reading this SIGN MY GUESTBOOK!. i told her hundreds of times to jus forget it coz it wozn't possible especially on a 56k modem but she wouldn't listen i got anoyed switched my name as i often do when i'm not in a good mood to angelus- and after a few more minutes gave up on her and said i'd leave her to her server stuff, sighed and quit irc. I then stuck a video on went to bed and watched it. Got up and wrote this. I also watched police academy 1 someware around 02:00 what els did i do today? not much els realy, watched neighbours and thats about it. Oh yeah andy wanted to get some mp3's and i pointed him to mirc and he appeared on my channel! (well our channel) as in my chayz crys mr chico and all the other ops. Anyway i'm off now oh yeah sent emma a .98 mb email with mirc (zipped) in its set up with a username already registered and an autoscript to take her onto my channel doh the channel i'm opping on i mean. She hasn't got it so far.

13/06/01

10:40pm hey i remembered the time!!

Well whats happened to day? i watched neighbours at 13:45 not much happened and then i played x-wing-alliance most of the evening after watching 2 more episodes of buffy 'ted' and another one the ted one is where buffy's mum meets a guy that she likes and he turns out to be an insane robot and the other one woz that egg creature one where everyone is given eggs to look after, what els did i do? i fought another combat in xwing and took over a shipyard to start building ships at the moment i've jus decided that its gonna make tie-interseptors so i got a 4*6 squads of interseptors built now they r station defence incase the thing is attacked, i'm next gonna build a nice golon defence platform for defence. the pirate base that woz makin the preybirds has been destroyed so all i have left now even tho i won the battle and destreoyed all the rebels is 1 preybird and the interseptors a couple of assult transports and a few gunboats oh yeah and the chimera but the pirate shipyard is a gonner but i saved the base, the rebels are gonna be all over my sulus shipyard i jus captured now i'm gonna hav to prepare to defend it coz i think the next most logical manover for the rebels will be to attack the shipyard so thats what they r gonna be doin. basicaly i'm gonna hav to set my interseptor squadren to attack whatever fighers they are launching at the shipyard and i'll attempt to single handidly hold off the rest of the fighters attacking them while the rest of the fighters i hav defend the chimera and the few guns and atr's i hav left will be on capital ship assult so they can take out the enemy capital ships. the chimera will also be on capital ship assult.Talked to emma today over the phone she wozn't in the bath this time lol ;) she woz doin some of her dad's office work and we chattedd about this and that and ended neicely i dcided not to get angry at her about the always being watched thing so it went ok with no stress which woz nice coz we havn't had a normal conversation in ages. if  u can call our conversations normal anyway. i also found out that my old handheld computer still had the thing me and emma were writing on the ferry (well on the way to the ferry and on the ferry until we got out of the car this is the return trip to england) and it woz quite amusin (we were doin a msg style thing on pocket word coz it wouldn't be appropiate to um say what we were writing infront of sensitive ears (parents)) anyway i saved it :) its still on there now and will remain until the batterys die coz i always forget to charge my old palmtop. yesterday(oh yeah CHRIS GOT HIS INFRAREDPORT TO WORK ON HIS LAPTOP! its amaizing he'd spent ages and ages trying to get it to work as a generic serial infrared port and he downloaded a stript down version of the hp omnibook 800 recovery cd(he has 500 i think) and manualy moved the .inf files into the windows inf folder then it accepted the inf files and initalized the omnibook's infra red port it woz a system device not a standard infrared port which explains why he couldn't get the generic driver to work. He told me all this over msn.) talked with zara today on msn a friend of her's has puit some picurews ofher up onthe web after she did some whit stone walk or something correction whit walk here's the site: http://www.fishsta.co.uk/people25.htm em whatels did i do today ? talked bieftly to claire and andy initated tonnes more metal roids did virtually no revision  will do that around 03:90 am since i'm workin off american time -6hrs lol comes from being on irc too muchmy computer has hit one of thiese realy anoying slowdowns at the moment and the text is appearing like 5 weeks after i type it which is most anoying next time it happens i'm gonna disconnect from the net to make sure its not a pinging thing (aka someone constantly pinging my machine over the web to slow it right down) infact i think i may be offline now my mistake i'm still online i think coz a person called youngcpl has jus joined the room. anyway its 23:00 and times ticking on may write back soon, gotta close my window now and turn the lights on coz it is a lil too dark altho its a nice clear sky outside still a darkblue not black yet proberly will be soon jus had a coffee before i wrote this log and drank the last of the iron brew, mr chico has jus logged off and i missed him woops. anyway i'm hopin calif will be on tonight and emma ain't been on cept briefly before i called her she woz on for 4mins then about 3 secs coz emma's dad needed to check out the aol dial in number he's havin a prob with one of his computers and it will access the mail on one computer (this chech girl they've got stayin with them as opear) but it won't access the isp mail on another computer proberly security or sommat one is win98 se and the other is win me. amyway i've told him to try using internet explorer and he said he needed to dial up in aol coz iexplore costs money and aol is free lol, lmao, lol, roflmao. hehehe hahahahaahaha good one talk about the biggest blooper of all time what a doofus, iexplorer is a BROWSER and aol has its own BROWSER jus like netscape is a BROWSER (i use netscape most of the time coz iexplorer is too unstable for my liking) anyway i said dial up using aol then click start run and type iexplore then press enter and wala internet explorer pops up much better than the realy nasty and crap aol browser which has so many bugs and problems with web pages its unbelievable altho it may be remotly more stable than internet explorer i'm not sure i jus recommend downloading NETSCAPE its a very stable browser and i like it alot altho it's not very good with some webpages jus like the aol browser isn't very good in some pages. Anyway i'm off now seya later might call later. gonna get my amd athlon 500 into my bed room before its too late and my dad goes to bed. (its in pineroom which is above mum and dad's bedroom)

daily log suplamental 23:13 jus got back from pineroom brougt back my scssi card and scssi cdwrighter (2 of em) i'm gonna put em in my ghz and hopefully with drivers from the net get em working!

14/06/01

Well jus had a maths exam pure 2 eekkkkkk woz hard opened up the paper and couldn't do it very well but i gave it my best shot i don't know how its gone. Woz bored tonight got home with a turkey and coldslaw bun(no batton's or ham left) and a packet of chrisps after spending ages in the a-level centre maknin a space invader prog which jus didn't wanna work i took the wrong approach did an array of invaders and woz too lazy with stuff so am gonna build a propor one with a gui in the future. Stayed on the net most of the night woz on irc but didna say much chaynez had a baby egg on cam hatchin but the poor lizard thing iinside died :( anyway i put a tape on and hopped into bed to watch buffy, hopped out briefly to write this off to buffy now...oh yeah had pot noodle and bun and bread at midnight and massivily heavy rain tonight. Being changin names alot too on irc tallon karade and stuff thrawn_ etc.

15/06/01

Must hav dozed off a bit around 06:30 then mum came in around 07:00 with some breakfast but i had to say no thanks coz i'd already eaten around midnight(potnoodle bread and bun) anyway dozed off again and woke up at 09:05 shot out of bed and off to college jus makin enough time to get ready hopped to college and managed to do realy well (i hope) on my biology exams after gettin rediverted to the humanities block only to find out that the exam room i woz sent to woz for buisness studies, so goin on 9:30 i finally got to the place i woz ment to be after going to yet another wrong room. Anyway got home and watched 2 episoded of buffy (the onces were angel turns bad) went on irc towards 7pm after watchin simpsons and malcom in the middle and fresh prince of bel air malcom woz one were they were goin to a funeral etc etc bla bla.anyway talked with gal_from_calif woz fun. goin to bed now coz its like 04:00. night

16/06/01

Pah grr GRRrrrrrrr pah. Well thats the final straw what is the point in acting nice and good when people r shit? they jus lie and lie and lie and lie. heh for starters emma proberly does still love me she dosen't act it and thats killing me and its also starting to negate my feelings to her i'm driftin away from her and its not my fault. Second gal_from_calif who i've been chattin to for a while (neat friend) lied about her age, she woz sayin she woz 17 then went through a long long talk and finaly admitted she woz 15 after spinnin me around in infinate circles. To be honest i wouldn't hav had a problem with that. Anyway she's buggered off for ever now and won't be commin back to #netmeeting. what ever. but from goin to a dark mood coz of exams being unable to sleep (why the hell els do u think i stay up on irc most of the night? coz i can't bloody sleep), EMMA, various things at college, even a few small bruses to my ego, and this thing with cali + countless more things hav all driven me to one conclusion i can't trust anyone as in ANYONE not even emma i jus don't love her enough anymore hell it could proberly be fixed if she would start to express herself more to me but the way its goin its on a sliding scale to 0. Andy well he's a good mate cept i can trust him as far as i can throw him especially after geneva, Zara i did hav a crush on her and proberly still hav one which dosen't allow me to think anythin bad of her she woz there for me during a bad time and i will always be grateful for her friendship and support, ok i'm gonna quit right there i'm tired grumpy anoyed still can't bloody sleep tho but hav had it with the world as of this moment i officialy don't giv a damn i'm jus gonna let the world go by. recently i've been feelin more and more i can't explain it dark? naah yeah maybe dark, carefree, someone described it as not carin or sommat changed different well thats proberly getting truer by the minute hell maybe this is all a loss of emma thing she woz supporty no its not it isn't god thats scary it realy isn't its jus empty dark i dunno kinda worryin i've been biting my tongue at college to keep from sayin somat bad  like on monday all i wanted woz to get out of there or woz it tuesday? whatever day we had a maths exam on in the morning i think i jus remember the encounter vivid i felt realy dark, everyone around me smiling and talking i wanted to get out of college i needed to get out and i met david rukroft on the corridore and had to actually converse with him i mean he's a great bloke but i had to mold and fit a 'nice lil boy' routene and play by the rules and be nice and i felt it all around me choking me engulfing me i couldn't hold it, i got out of college so fast i can't explain it i jus can't play goodie goodie very easily anymore i've lost somthing maybe tempory maybe perminent i've been denying it trying to play good but its no good coz i feel choked and its jus hard to play good. like i hav to play i mean talk to people and i jus don't wanna i jus to be no i mean i want to talk but god i'm confused this is hard to express am jus anoyed i don't i damn flip em i dunno i jus feeling realy bad dark low whatever i jus don't hav that play nice thing that used to be natural i hav to force it on when sometimes i might jus to put it realy nblunt punch someonces face in. And this bloody computer #ggr:AGREHjw'pionyq jmicrosoft crappyu shit can't they make something that actuall y WORKLKRTWEyag\ u know as i'm yping this i press the backspace key to get rid of an error and guess how long it takes to do it/ it takes no blooody kiddin like 3 seconds to delete the letter and move the cursor back 3 bloody seconds that pathetic. And then there is the slowdowns like every 5 minutes the entire machine slows down then there is the bloody crashes i mean come on its pathetic that microsoft hac like 20000 pages on y ur computer dosen't shut down properly ! its dum its pathetic its realy anoying! Well u can realy see how anoyed with everything i am an't u? coz its all come out at my computer lol. I've jus had it thats enougth no more shit anythin that anoys me will REALY anoy me i've had it the edge has gone over and that is IT. Grr pizza thing with loads of different toppings with  dad also(added later)

17/06/01

Well em its a er sunday, got up extreamly late (15:00) ish and watched some tv, surfed the net em made some bacon burgers for dad along with woffles and beans and i thought they were properly cooked and so did mum but dad didn't think so he obviously dosen't trust my cooking and since i ate a partly uncooked one (took it out coz i woz testin for warmth and didn't put it back) i felt a lil queezy but the cooked onces were ok. Mum woz doin some work upstairs on the computer in the pine room that i set up for her some assignment or sommat.She had to print it off about 3 times before it woz right and it used tonnes of paper and ink mum says she'll buy new cartridges n stuff so its ok. Em what els hav i been up to? oh yeah i've not been a particulary nice person to be around today i wouldn't hav liked to be around me if i had the choice. watched some buffy on dvd when i got it my machine is still being real slow, also a girl woz sittin on the bench opposite the house and to the right horisontaly aligned along a road that goes away from our house aka our house at a T junction and is at the top end of the T junction and the bench is aligned along the right side of the road opposite(right from top of t lookin along length of t) anyway there woz another girl sittin on the pavement opposite the bench and the one on the bench woz screetchin and howlin like a creature or sommat for about 3hrs before she quietened down. oh yeah my room is a complete tip with papers and stuff all over. Anyway done alot of stuff on and off today but generaly not been a nice person coz hav been in a snappy mood, initated more roids today since i'm on an initate metal roids fest on planetarion i want tonnes of income as quick as poss. Ok what els hav i done? i went on irc half the night and did some revision and am gonna get about 1 hr of sleep tonight however coffee will keep me goin :) night all. Oh yeah room update athlon 500 and amd-k6-2 400 both in pine room along with all my other junk (166's etc) 1ghz in its usual place next to my black computer stand with monitor on top (17 inch ibm p70 trinitron) video with cassets below and below that video cassett holder to the right is my amd 1gz to the right cd's to the left + tapes p166 on floor to right of 1ghz and 17inch monitor to right of that, scsi cdrw on top of ghz.

18/6/01time 01:37 (so its the 19th coz its early in morn)

Well got my 1hrs sleep, room same but messyer  name Knight-RIder very tired now ugh very tired. long day very long day had exam (physics) woz ok went to sommat em damn sommat aye pub with andy and claire and zara first dropped stuff at home bags etc grabbed a drink with them all left bags at my place they checked out my messy room (claire and zara aint seen it) then we went off to pub had a nice meal (i got a double sausage double egg with beans and chips) andy got chips and steak so did claire and zara got jus chips we all got coke cept andy who got lemonade i payed for the drinks and we all payed for our own food. We then had 4 games of pool, me andy v claire (zara not want to play) claire potted black near end and we won, another game followed with same result, then me and claire v andy and zara zara potted black and we won altho game continued coz black woz one of first to pot and when all the balls were potted altho we lost in end but we still won coz zara potted black, zara is okish at pool she learns quick coz she woz doin okish near end, last game me and zara v andy and claire went smooth and andy and claire won at the end woz a fun game tho, andy asked at bar when ordering drinks for a free pint and a half glass and woman behind bar said that when she finishes her shift she'll giv him one. on the shuss shuss. Anyway after pool we played 2 games of giant jenga (stack blocks 3 one way 3 another on top of each other then remove blocks out in turns and first person to make the tower topples looses and the person that went before that person wins) What els did i do? ah yes we then (very slightly irritating guy kept buggin us tho at the start with 'healpful hints' ) can't remember who won the jenga think it woz claire, claire kicked the blocks over (we had 3 games but first woz declared null and void since that guy woz meddling) she kicked blocks over when andy woz beneath hehheh and they almost hit him on the head! anyway there woz a game thing there similr to one i saw in cypris last year on holiday it woz multiple games in one thing and touch screen card games board games stratagy games etc. Anyway we left pup and walked back to my house grabbed more drinks sat and watched a bit of tv together a prog about people taking lie detector tests to prove they were not cheating on wifes at wiffes trequest some of them turned out to b e lying. Yawn very tired watched some music tv too then at 4:15 they all left and i went upstairs and messed with my xwing alliance mission builder (mush better than the inbuit one) that i downloaded yesterday, em what els did i do? em yes watched simpsons and 2 fresh prince of bel air episodes simpsons woz boking one were homer becomes a famour boxer, fresh prince woz lil kid person tries to get into a poosh school and wil gets hypmotises and thinks he's 5. second one woz will gets high job thing with one of wil's uncle's friends and turns out that the friend is bribing cuoncil people n stuff. Watched bvoyager at 20:00 which woz most intresting seven of nine wanted to express her emotions more and created an holodeck recreation of people on the ship to esocializ ew with and she pretended she woz fully human by telling the computer to alter her physical appearance in the holodeck as to get rid of her borg nanoprobes meanwhile she's been missing duty shifts and not at her posts when the captain needed her to get the sensors modified to detect some subspace warheads coz voyager woz strandard in a large munitions test area since the subspace warheads knocked out the voyagers warp engines, anyway seven finally managed to sort out the engiees and went back tothe holorecreation and especialy the recreation of chacota and said she wanted to end their relationship chackoti didn't like it and they got into an arguement in during which sevens cortical node started to shutdown and as the doctor fdound out it is a failsafe mechanism put in by the borg as a last attempt to stop drones from fully developing their emotions it simplyy shuts them down as they hit a certain point , the doc said it could be possible to repprogram it with alot of time and multiple operations but seven refused meanwhile the ship ot warp engines back and seven managed to save the ship by stoping a stray warhead that locked onto them coz they inityated warp too near it. anyway also got a splinter in my thumb today coz of those jenga blocks, managed to remove it tho, making a mission in which the chimera has to escape in xwing very hard to learn how to use the mission builder but i am finally getting the handle of it. Ok what els hav i been up to em talked a bit on irc after spending ages arguing about the possible civil war that may break out on planetarion soon coz claire is sturring up some stuff and saying we don't want mem as gc and people are taking votes off him but i will staay with mem unless he stands down from gc coz we need order etc. ok am extreamly tired, ttalked on irc n stuff and now its 02:00 and i'm gonna go to bed realy soon and watch a movie and fall asleep :) oh yeah talked with emma today feeling more distant from her, emotionaly i feel a bit better however am slightly 'ghosted' and still feel a bit ditached. may need to hav a lil chat with zara about something depends on if i remember in the morning. night all.

daily log 19/6/01 ok where to begin? em got up went off to college and had physics which i have to admit as far as physics goes it woz definatly fun, we did loads of stuff on models and things. Then had turorial with andy dawson instead of lynn burnett he told us that newman college woz gonna be taken over by preston within 3 years and that runshaw college is in deep financial debt and that the goverment has halfed the amount of money they give to colleges for alevel students and put it into key skills students which means if colleges decide not to do key skills they loose more than half of their funding and if runshaw did that they would be bankrupt in 3 days! Anyway andy dawson let us out 30mins early and i shout off into town like a bullet walked around a bit and bought a remote control extender which is very useful coz now i can control sky tv from upstairs and i can start and stop the video so i can record sutff and skip the adverts(i can record upstairs too but the sound quality from the sky broad caster isn't very good) also there is an amusing problem with my video now, we have 2 videos that are the same make and model so the remote controls are interchangeable which means that if i control the video upstairs with my remote it could control the downstairs one too lol. Anyway i had a giant chip barm for lunch and shot off home to maths with whomb i thought woz christine pluck :( but it turned out she woz away so david rukroft took us :) and we learnt some stuff with the ncr button on our scientific calculators. After that i had biology and we all went to the pond and started to take samples of water and dimensions of pond for our ecology project. which woz fun it is over 4metres deep in the middle! Anyway after that i headed home to find out that my 1ghz machine had died! It turnes out that the northbridge controler chip fan has failed and the chip fried now it dosen't work properly and i can't get into windows or anything so i've switched to my athlon 500 and there is a speed difference it is definatly slower. Anyway talked to Jenny today (gal_from_calif) and its now extreamly late (i also watched big brother on sky digital) and could switch between cams and stuff!!! But its realy late now (>4am) so i've realy got to go to bed. Night All

20/6/01 Nice wednesday, i slept in instead of goin off to chemistry and sorting out my New Scientist subscription and I watched several episoides of buffy and watched neighbours, went on the net at night and chatted with several people and mr_chico quit the op position coz he woz getting too much stick for warning people over jus stating their details in the channel. Watched big brother at night nothing much happened tonight am getting anoyed with the way they keep cutting the soundtrack to the outside sound track coz i can't hear anything when they r chatting away i'm not sure wether they do this deliberatly or not but either way its realy starting to bug me.

21/6/01 Long day today, am looking forward to going to the pub tomorrow although part of me is a bit lazy and dosen't want to be bothered to go, went into college at 09:30 and settled my new scientist account completly so i've payed for all the subscriptions up to the last one where he has cut the subscription, and went back home watched an episode of buffy and had lunch then went back to college for biology at 11:30 were we were doing more pond work titrating and taking water samples, went back home again after biology and watched neighbours and had a cup of coffee then headed back to college for the last lession which woz Maths with david rukroft, we were doing something to do with fractions. After this i headed back off home and went on the net abit when it his 18:00 watched big brother which woz pretty good they all had a massive pillow fight which woz fun am off to bed now coz its pretty late night.

22/6/01 realy the 23 is early in the mourung up 0:26 sommat heya what a realy neat and cool day i may hav akl0t of typos today coz i am jus a very very lil tiny bit tipsy since i did drink 3 pints i am also proud that i am not wasted which is realy bad but i think i hav like finally got this drinkin too much thing under control watching buffy and chattin on irc wich is neat. ok had a realy good day today with alot of stuff like sampling pond water and stuff which woz quite cool had a neat physics lesson with peter dunne making loads of jokes and stuff but he did bore everyone to death at the beginning by talking everyone like completly to death with so massivly boring stuff :) my maths lesson dragged alil but that woz coz we had crisitine pluck grrr anyway i still aint called emma which i realy miuste do some time soon oh well am in such a good mood that am afraid that another chat with emma could completly ruin that. aye gonna go off to a cpomptuer fair and hav such a cool time with person em um chris sorry bout that chirs if u r reading it i'm jus writhing at hight speed on the fly :) anyway got home and watched like neightbours and buffy which were cool (buffy on dvd) then friends los vegas ep part 1 and som other junk, then i got dressed up to go out after a bit of a row with mum about mne now wantin to aware trousers bvut all wioz sorted abd she woz completly right, anyway got to opub gettin late (goinon 20:00) andy left us and zara without me khowin (claire woz there too with andy) and i think they were tryin to set us up which wozn't very nice of them, anyway had a nice night, didn't drink anythin at first until andy almost bought me a drink then i got me and zara sommat. anyway they left and me and zara chatted a bit until proberly goin on 23:20 until zara's dad came to pick her up after she had rung him before, anyway definatly was a night to remember i also possibly saved us from gettin kicked out coz i had my college id with me which showed i woz 18 altho i am not but i joined a year earlier coz i woz on a night course lol anyway got home am listening to buffy on bbc2 time is like realy flying i've been doin this for ages em we are definatly gonna all hav to meet up at the pub again coz it woz definalty a good night once we started chattin yup gona hav to do it again. next time the group (andy clarire zara) r free or jus zara then we're gonna hav to go out again coz it is quite a nice ending to the week.

23/06/01 Well had a good day today headed off to a computer fair with chris walked around manchester a bit and bought the stuff i needed to sort my computer out + a new sound studio a creative dtt 3500. HAd nice lunch chip barm and beans then headed back to preston to chris's house were we fiddled a bit with his parents new digital camera and we then both went off to help his parents take this huge concrete style bench thing that his mum had made so we drove to the garden center in his van and sorted the bench thing out, we then went back to chris's and his mum decided to throw a barbeq for everyone which was realy nice and we had a realy nice barbeq with saussages and pork and apple burgers, anyway i headed abck home and rang emma which didn't go too well as usual then i went on the net and a combenation of being a bit tired and the huge amount of heat in my room + fact that i woz trying to assemble my sound system resulted in me having several i dunno akward? conversations with some peple oh yeah our galaxy woz also under attack and i had to send ships to defend blah blah. (as u see planetarion is not foremost on my mind) we're gonna hav to head back out to the pub again as a foursome and andy says he isn't gonna try and set us up again which is nice of him. anyway never watched big brother tonight coz i set up my sound system and only completly got it working around 02:00m. Surround soundd is fantastic and i mean fantastic gonna watch a movie or 2 tomoorrow but am off to bed in a minute, zara seemed a bit off today dunno whats wrong with her. Oh yeah i chatted with katie a bit about various things soon after zara went off line. Anyway am off to bed now seya.

24/06/01 03:14 so its realy 25th

Got up today at goin on about 19:00, watched leathel weapon 4 on dvd using my new sorround sound speakers and chatted to zara a bit on the net went on irc a bit and watched big brother and big daddy the film. Ate a sandwich and a packet of chrips around midnight and have been watching various different films mixed with big brother on sky am tempted to go to bed in about an hour, mum decided to print a 30 odd page thing and it took alot longer than expected and then she needed to print it again so we were waiting for like 2hrs for it all to print proberly alot longer need to be up around 08:00 tomorrow so i can put some realy loud music on and test this soundsystem to the max (my mum n dad will be off at work) then i'm plannin to watch a buffy episode on dvd before college coz it puts me in a good frame of mind for college. Need to get office 2000 disc 1 (lost it again) so i can get frontpage on since i've been doing these note things in notepad since monday. Not much has actually happened coz i only got up realy late. So i'm off now to watch a bit more big brother and maybe switch to a video a bit later on. Seya

25/06/01 Never went to bed last night, went off to college for Maths were we were doing that partial fractions stuff then I had physics which woz borin more calculations about radiation and stuff, then had oh yeah weather has been fantastic recently realy hot, then went off home for lunch and stayed at home since had no evening lessons, and i returned my college library books coz i woz been threatened with legal action! they for some reason i still can not fathom still let me renew them!?! Anyway watched a bit of big brother around dinner but it woz boring coz they blanked huge chunks of them talking coz it woz 'unsuitable' so i switched to buffy and watched all the episode trailers and special documentaries on cd 5, after that i anoyingly dozed off and missed Voyager at 8pm anyway watched some tv and video's throughout the night and am off to bed rather early around 01:00 in a min or 2, woz gonna ring emma to say hi but by the time i had remembered it woz too late, haven't been on the net at all tonight.

26/06/01

Tried to ring emma several times tonight and she wozn't in, am slightly worried since she woz ment to be back over 1 hr ago, anyway been on the net and watched big brother, had another assignment lesson in biology and got given the end course early form thing and the name of the it computing person, spoke to Jenny briefly and i think i talked to zara tonight but its too early in the morning to remember clearly, had a boring physics lesson altho we got set free after the first hour coz peter dunne wozn't there and the other physics dude sent us to the alevel centre to 'study' heh we were all on planetarion and things, i then went home after tutorial and watched an episode of buffy season 2 end of season 2 parter i watched the start of part 2 of the 2 parter too and ate a ham and coldslaw sandwich, crisps, scotch egg and cake, and a cup of coffee and about 3 coca cola glasses of coke with ice. Anyway got back to college for maths and cristine pluck had brought some food in coz she woz retireing and it woz her last lesson, no offence but she kinda force fed us biscuits n stuff and when biology tunred up at the end of the day i woz feeling terrible at the start bad enough to mistake a tonn of people for being in my class, my stomach ache and high temp eased after about 20mins tho and i woz soon feeling alot better- well better enough to contain the fact i wozn't feeling too well. What els did i do? Thats about it, talked to bernard a bit (emma's brother) and chatted with emma's dad and thats about it.

27/06/01

All i hav to say at the moment is i hav had the worst conversation with emma yet, things are going BAD. Well well well, what els hav i done today? watched alot of tv and went on irc part of the night tried to fix my laptop battery too no luck as yet, fingers crosses tho. Drunk way too much coke recently.

28/06/01 21:29 GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrGrrrrrGRrrrrrrGRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr am very anoyed with emma, she adopted a 'so what' and 'whats the point' and a cocky attitude which has finaly done it we've been totering for ages now its all completly well and truly definatly 100% certainly TOTALY over. its more than finnished now its gone everything i ever felt from her woz jus consumed, like someone jus burnt it all out of me, enough is enough. Name on irc and msn is Angelus- young free and single, altho only like that coz claire wanted me to use that name she seemed pretty insistant tho so i used it. Honestly think it makes me seem shallow tho. What hav i done today, missed my lie in coz i never had chemistry coz i fell asleep and woke up when i had to get up thank god my internal clock has got better, had a biology lesson where andy woz flicking paper balls at everyone which woz jus sooooo thrilling, then went home watched buffy season 2 episode 1 hav restarted em all AGAIN had a sandwich (usual) packet of chrisps and a cake + coffee and coke that is all i'll be eatin now as in all i'll be eating for the rest of the day anyway. Feel too full if i hav tea too, got into a nasty habit recently of eating more and jus felt bad so hav gone back to normal eat virtually nothing attitude altho talking about food is making me kinda hungry but i WILL resist :) . Anyway zara mysterously disappeared in the middle of a conversation with a ' i gotta go' which has got me a bit worried, which i think it would to alot of people if someone suddelnly left. Anyway what hav i been doin, i did a bit of VB before i rang emma now i am in no mood to work more of a got to listen to loud music write this and talk to people on irc + kick all the stupid jerks(great stress reliever) :D . And trust me there are alot of jerks on irc but it is worth staying on to meet those few good people that there are. Anyway like i said since its the only thing on my mind emma and having finnished with her, not much els i can say about the topic except well i don't think there is an except. Feel a bit better already since its been realy dragging me down for ages now.

29/06/01 Rang emma up when i got home and said i ment what i said lastnight jus to conferm that we were over, been in a rotten bad mood most of the day almost came to blows with andy. Feeling alot better now, me and mum headed off to boothes to get some coffee but we never got any coffee coz we were distracted lookin for a bakewell tart. So am having to make do with the coffee i got from various places that comes in lil packets. Chatted alot online last night, Jenny woz on but not for long coz she woz tired, Mr_chico and sy-d were on too and i chatted with them for a while, but i mainly stayed idle and messed around with my ED-209 script which is a bot thing and it went completly crazy recently and dosen't work properly anymore, also when i got home i watched a buffy episode on the first cd can't remember which think it woz the 3rd, and watched the big brother eviction last night which woz intresting, chatted a bit with zara and watched big brother interactive until around 3am then sky crashed when i tried to look to see what els woz on tv, very odd coz it never did that until i learnt that chris's sky crashes sometimes when he uses big brother interactive, anyway i couldn't be bothered with goin downstairs and pulling the plug so here i still am. my computer is still having these slow downs i'm beginning to think its a virus coz it dosen't hit instantly when i've installed a new op system but it hits after a while, i need a new virus checker for certain. It could be a computer problem since the northbridge chipset did get kinda fried but my machine is still workin since i replaced the memory and the fan and left it for a while. If it is still the computer then i'm gonna hav to buy some more replacement parts. by the way WinAmp is the best mp3 player. Me and andy legged it in the morn from biology since we handed in some realy dud ecology projects and she started to grade em so we left the class in a hurry. Anyway i am off to bed in a few mins so seya.

30/06/01-Saturday got up net a bit of quickview, watched way too much buffy and that other thing i can't remember emm gotit big brother and spent awhile on irc nothing at all has happened today basically realy dull day. oh yeah looked up self hypnosis stuff on the web. Had a sandwich and crisps while watchin buffy too.

01/07/01-Sunday Went off to the big field car boot sale (on like 20times or sommat like that a year) every sunday in this huge field, first time i think we've been this year, weather was mixed with intervals of sun and cloud, mostly junk on the car boot (it is like 1000 stalls) but i never saw anything that i was intrested in buying. So went back to the car and started to read 'spector of the past' the book chris's dad had and i thought i'd lost it (have been reading it on and off for a while now) what else did i do? em sat reading for ages and the temperature climbed it got quite hot, then mum got back and we drove off to a pub (one jus after barton grange if ur heading towards the m6 motor way junction) i had a nice creamy mushroom pasta with garlic bread followed by some proflitterols for desert. Got back home did a bit more quickview work, watched some more buffy haven't watched any big brother tonight, was going to call emma to see how things are up there but time flew by realy fast, talked to her brieftly on the web anyway enough about my x. Can't remember much els coz i'm pretty tired tonight, hav been feeling an insatiable need to install linux so i need to burn those iso's on that dvd magiseen i bought recently. Anyway o also made some new irc scripts made a neat away script and upgraded my autokick script to make sure it didn't warn/kick people who were saying 'don't msg me' etc and spent ages and ages and ages trying to get a full version of windvd on the web, anyway am off to bed now, night.

02/07/01- Monday

got up late(around 11:00) and headed out for college around 11:35 had a key skills mock exam at 11:45, but to be honest didn't particularly care a damn, its been so hot today its unbelieveable headin out on wednesday with everyone, hav got even more pissed off with emma for various reasons hence i'm now lookin into self hypnosis, magic, DARK magic etc for the fun of it.i've definatly watched too much buffy. the web is great tho for all kinds of magic stuff. and the self hipnosis thing realy does work pretty well, also been doin situps and pressups every night (did last night too) plan to do it alot more often as in everynight but problery not on the wednesday coz i'll be tired after headin out, its massivly hot i've got the windows wide open but its still roastin. anyway headed to college got there late the exam had started but i hadn't a clue where it woz so i never bothered, i got a sandwich and a packet of chrisps and headed back off home, got back and watched a few buffy episodes, a bit of big brother and went on the net later on and chatted with a few people on irc and the likes, i realy hav to stop knockin over them back speakers. oh finnished quickview!!!!!!!!!!waaaaaaaaaaahoooooooo. Finally all dad needs to do now is test it once more and if it passes its gonna be sold¬!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Anyway, startin to feel the drag at being single now, more so magnified since i hadn't seen emma in months before we split up but i would realy love a girlfriend again. TO anyone out there who hasn't had a girl friend u don't know what ur missin. Anyway i suppose when i'm older and still single(if i am) (aka 18-19 at uni) i can hav a fun time. altho if i wozn't single i wouldn't mind in the slightest and would jus go out with mates n stuff not lookin for girls etc. anyway thats enough of me thinking about hte future. seya.

03/07/01- Tuesaday

got up realy 'early' as in around 10 i think, tidyed up my room a bit burnt 2 cd's added a bit of 'spit and polish' to quickview jus for the fun of it, ready to install linux now on my athlon 500 on the floor(when i can be bothered to) headed off to college for the it thing but never bothered with the aon(application of number) its jus TOOOO hot, more so than i can manage with now, the heat jus knocks me out when its this oppressive if there is a lil draft then fine its ok but when its jus stagnant heat everyware it jus kills me, anyway dosen't look like many people are goin out tomorrow got message back from feg sayin proberly not, zara is unsure not much to wear etc, had argument with parents about fact i woz goin into town, um what els? dunno nikkey can't go, karl can't go etc etc. Had a massive thunder storm tonight around midnight it poured it down but had completly dried up within 2hrs proberly within 1hr. Am tired must be the heat again, dunno when i'm gonna get up tomorrow i'm plannin early and i'm not gonna go to that college course thing coz its too much like hard work and i can't be bothered to make the effort in this heat besides i'm gonna hav to take driving lessons anyway so whats the point? oh yeah filled out absence things for communications and application of number today too. god its hot, anyway what els hav i dun today? um er um ilistened to music and watched u guessed it BUFFY! aint buffy completly fantasticaly totally a great tv program? also aint angel a completly fantasitc program? think i'm gettin an angelus complex which is not good. + i think the heat is affecting my memory. still been doin those situps n stuff anyway gotta go now seya.

04/07/01- Wednesday

Well i went out tonight it woz a bit pants since only 3 of us could make it and one of those woz me. We went to the black bull pub and then off up to the withy trees and drank a few pints, me andy and zara, nothin much happened and i got home around 23:00 with a can of coke, i accidently poured coke all over my mouse tho and its notworkin now but i am gonna go to bed in a sec coz i am tired tomorrow i will fix it if i can. ok what els? i never went ot the driving course today i instead spent the day gettin ready to go out and watching buffy. anyway i am well tired now so i'm off to bed, night.

05/07/01- Thursday

Got up dead late and went off to college in the afternoon for it key skills in which i did some of my assignment which i definatly will not have done by friday and i don't reealy care since its key skills so its not particularly on the top of my to do list. Anyway msn has been messed up since wednesday and its still not workin, i had a bit of a chat online and sent bob another email i need to send anoterh one when i can be bothered but its jus too hot to do much at all and i mean way too hot its jus unbelievable how hot it is. Anyway am off to bed now, watched a few buffy episodes and a bit of big brother, initating tonnes of roids on planetarion at the moment and i am gonna go on the attack soon. night. Emma was ment to call me again but did not and i stayed at home instead of commming to my grans, typical eh?

06/07/01- Friday

got up quite early ish around 10:30 and watched a few more episodes of buffy:-do i hav a life?; and watched some bog standard big brother on tv, that amma has been evicted now, don't care much for her anyway. Anyway i went on irc tonight after headin to cpc to buy a heatsync and a zip disc for this zip drive, the heatsync wouldn't fit on my board coz of some capacitors in the way other than that tho the zip disk worked perfectly, hmm what els did i do today? never went to college coz it woz jus plain old boring keyskills. Chatted a bit on irc and am off to bed, night.

07/07/01

Got up late again didn't do much, chatted on irc a bit and thats about it for today.

08/07/01-sunday 23:35

What have i done this glorious day? Um nothin much, got up at around 12:00 thinking there was a grand prix on but was greatly mistaken damn, went to bed this morn at 07:46 read a book for a few hours then went to sleep around 09:00. Got up moaped around alot, mum and dad went out to visit this new b&q store or was it do it all? i can't remember anyway they brought back some curry stuff n garlic bread (from booths)which i had for tea but they forgot to bring back any drinks so me n mum set off to booths around 15:30 to get some drinks. em what els did i do? ah yes, didn't go on irc much so far today, played eliteforce over the net jus now and watched about 3next gen episodes on sky 1 followed by 2 buffy and 2 angel episoded on tape(well the first buffy woz intermixed with the startrek during the adverts) one of them realy taught me something the buffy episode where buffy comes to realize she dosen't need any guys in her life at the moment(she's jus broken up with rilley well rilley kinda left to go back to the army) her purpose in life is to live for 'me' and she wants to spend time alone with 'me'. Which gives me a lesson about how i've been leadin my life, coz it woz mainly for emma before she was the purpose then when i broke up with her i jus completly lost that purpose and slipped further downhill than i was when things were going realy bad, i should realy take a leaf out of buffy's book now, the question is can i pick up on the her advice? or am i jus gonna drop? Anyway startrek episodes where 'abnmesia' those telepathic people, and another one i can't remember. Thats about all i've done today so far as u can see nothin much. msn went down again today for maintainance which was jus a paon anyway seya

09/07/01-Monday Well its another manic monday, wish it were sunday. Well it aint been particularly manic, got up around 3pm watched the last episode save the last 2 parter of buffy in season 2 did a bit more quickview programmin chatted a bit on irc ate a pot noodle for lunch that woz what i had all day anotherwords i ate nothin els, em started to initate more roids on pa, gettin bored already and its only the first day of the holiday and i'm already bored. Awwwww need sommat to do, cept watch tv, gonna get my hair cut soon anyway thats sommat to do, not much els to do save doin some programmin o coincidence today i put Angelus:in need of a good party as my msn name then like 10mins later someone asked me to go to their 18th party(jimmy asked me) amaizing eh? well feg sam simon and that lot are off to america on either tuesday or wednesday, not fair, anyway i watched voyager today which woz quite good it woz an episode i can't even remember em damn hmm er thats it it woz the frendship probe one which woz most fun.um what els did i do? not much i guess, oh well ah yes did more exercise things today as usual my usual keep fit regime is intensifying. Thats about it for tonight night all!

10/07/01-Tuesday Well its another manic tuesday:- hmm that dosen't work. Anyway what have i done today, let me think err um nothin as in got up at 12:00 which is quite early considering the times i've been gettin up before, ate a cheese pie mum got yesterday with some mash and beans n thats about it, watched big brother half the night and did tonnes of situps and pressups hey hey i got 20 pressups done one after the other could hav done more but big brother distracted me, chatted on the web until very late, had a chat with amy (ariel) gonna hav to remember these details coz i've been forgettin them of late amy is a friend on irc that i met on irc.planetarion.com she's a nice person to talk to and is very understanding. My mood of late has been improvin a bit. Plannin to watch the last 2 ep's of buffy tomorrow. Thats about all. Night!

11/07/01-Wednesday

 IRCNAME:Still either Angelus- or Knight-Rider 

MSN NAME:Still Angelus 

TIME: 03:01(so its realy the Thursday) 

Freinds online at this moment in time......MEM?!?!WOah and Ariel(amy) Thats a shock mem's online!(woz head of galaxy in pa until people voted someone els in) Well pa is goin cra* since alot of people hav left our galaxy karl is the latest to go aka:JonD of Jinglewuffin or sommat like that, plannin to start web cam pics up soon coz i gotta make my site do sommat ah crap jus noticed my mobile is dead, gonna hav to recharge it, strange that it only made 2 beeps before it died tho anyway What hav i done today/doin right now well i'm currently on irc on #netmeeting thats what the anoying blinking black box is on my start menu its the #netmeeting window sayin that someone has said sommat, no surprise there since the last time i checked it woz over an hour ago, :) jus been to 2 amusin web sites first woz some realy crazy right wing group ah think i'm offline typical and the other woz www.21fold.com which has an amusin asses in the air section and a few good bits and pieces on, nope i don't think i'm off line jus noone has spoke on netmeetin or sommat. Anyway i awoke at 09:30 as i planned (after wakin up earlier for breakfast) but unfortunatly as woz completly unplanned i fell back asleep again and woke up around 12:00: ah well i guess its better than wakin up at 3pm or sommat like that which is what i've been doin recently aint it? Anyway music listenin to now is sommot or another 1 sec and i'll check: eww its Kylie Minogue Breathe altho its actually a good song i suppose its kylie minogue anyway enough said about that, 03:08 now gee time flys when ur havin fun dosen't it? anyway what els did i do today? jus switched to wordpad since i keep gettin some wird memory error in notepad where it says it can't let me type anymore coz of lack of memory or sommat, definatly WIRD. Anyway what (jus saved coz thought hmm might crash) woz i sayin em yes done today, messed around with a mission editor for xwing alliance(not the ingame one one i downloaded from www.xwingalliance.com) em did that around watched neighbours at 13:35 or so i thought until i remembered it wozn't on till 13:45 anyway watched that rang mum so she could remind me what the shopping woz (woz distracted by big brother that woz on from the previous night when she told me) headed out to booths ahh yes i remember what i did when i got up i had a bath and washed my hair n stuff. anyway headed out to booths(GRrrrr when will my parents get the bloomin shower fixed :( lol) bought a PiZzA! (peperoni :)) and poptarts and bread. Headed back home hey hey i made the wall Easily(end of booths car park) these new arm muscles r commin in nice n handy! ah crap i've been dc/d gonna hav to close the second mirc or it'll kill its self(got a script that kills Knight-Rider if a ghost of him is still on the irc network(ghosts r left if u get dc/d on when u r on irc they go on their own after a while but if u hav a registered nick u can kill ur ghost so u can switch back to that name)) anyway reconnected not bothered to check #netmeeting again coz i'm writin this thing. em lost track now 1 sec while i read back where i woz ah the wall n muscles :) these pressups n situps n stuff r workin well :D goin on 20+ pressups in a row as in REAL pressups :D. Goin on 500+ situps (the onces they do on big brother well brian and that guy trainin him do) Anyway what els? ah paul and helen seem to be gettin awfully close on big brother :) anyway where woz i, i got back from booths n stuck my pizza on in the microwave after waitin ages for it to preheat shoved the pizza in set my alarm countdown for 20 mins(its 30mins but i need the last 10mins for the beans butterin bread n sortin stuff out) went into the living room n started to watch the first of the buffy season 2 dvd last 2 parter. 20mins later paused it and went to sort my lunch out, carried a coke + ice and a coffee on a tray with my PiZzA n Beans n bread and ate it while watchin Buffy very good last 2 parter if i say so myself altho i hav seen it like 20 times now. Want season 3 now. 'Now leaving Sunnydale Come Back Soon! is what the sign said at the end of the season 2' well i'll be back in all of 2 months with season 3 on dvd :DDDDDDDDDD. Green Day -Minority is on now proberly missed a few songs inbetween but u can't realy miss this one it is ok but very noticeable. Anyway after buffy :) i went to work on my xwing missions and altho it woz a good mission forgot about the Z axis so ships tended to crash into each other when they dropped out of hyperspace, gonna hav to sort that. Altho its fun to see a Victory Star Destroyer 2 hyperspace right into another capital ship n blow up lol. *jammin to music* anyway, what els hav i dun ah yes mum came home with dad and i logged on the net, went on pa and initated more roids and then talked to zara BRIEFLY and she AHHHHGGGGGGGHhhhhhhhhhhh where the heck did the a-team song come from?? anyway zara decided that she woz gonna go and watch tv, so i went on the zone for a bit but i never remember to reconnect so that didn't last however irc auto reconnects me :) so i stayed on #netmeeting and hav been tinkering with away scripts auto bots and a combat script all night save about 30 mins where i did about 60 pressups (in groups of 20) and bout 500 situps :) ok note: need to get hair cut as in DESPERATLY -> pic will ensue. oh yeah and i'm wearin sun glasses for some reason*takes off his sunglasses* agh everythin is bright aahhhhhhggggg *turns contrast down* Jus taken a pic of now will stick on site see all the hair...........ITS GONNA GO!!!!!!! muhahaahah *cough* calm down anyway listenin to Rage Against the Machine-Wakeup now jus increased the subwoofer sounds much better :) Ok its now woah 03:31 oh yeah i'm goin to a party Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh Saturday 7:30pm be at busstation by 6pm gonna be fun 'jus what the dr ordered' what dr? anyway(me goin insane) P-A-R-T-Y asked zara but she dun seem like she wants to go, dunno what i think about that but either way i'm gonna hav the best god tootin (damn been watchin buffy too much(willow has said that)) time ever. Don't plan to get slaughted tho coz want to be able to move around of my own free will, and got a place to crash! Jimmy's 18th he says i can crash at his house which is jus well good since at 00:00 the only way home would be a taxi and that would cost alot. + partys at house r good too. :) anyway dunno what i am gonna do now ah yea plug phone in 1 sec done, ok gonna log into pa again n check that all is quiet, then gonna upload this log to my site and go to BeD since its like 03:37 and i am proberly not gonna get up tomorrow er today. Night!

12/07/01

All nicks n stuff the same

Well what hav i done today? i got up at 4:30pm after been up more of the night, had a nice long chat with amy, and when i finally went to bed at around 5-6am, jus never see any point in gettin up, still keepin up the pressups n situps did 600situps (400 of 1 kind and 200 of another learnt the different forms of situps from bigbrother) and about 80 pressups (20 at a time) phew those were done staggered through the night altho the situps were done 200 at a time. Phew one heck of a long/short day anyway been chattin to a few people on irc and installed linux on a virtual machine but it hasn't worked too well one of the hard disc images woz to put it bluntly screwed and i couldn't sort it out so the lilo boot manager couldn't install so altho i could get into linux from cd i couldn't get into it from the hard disc boot option, oh well. What els hav i done? aint got a clue, initated more roids chatted with a few people online and thats about it.

13/07/01

01:39 (so its realy the 14th now)

Nicks n stuff same

Well i never went to bed last night well not to sleep anyway messed with linux till around 6-7am hopped into bed and watched a trek episode on video followed by a recorded chips with everything (had a question a mate sent in) ate breakfast n got up grabbed another cup of coffee n took the tape i woz watchin downstairs n watched some more stuff on video downstairs, watched a kilroy thing on psycic mediums (bit like oprah n stuff its basically a debate with a huge audioance about whatever the topic is but the audiance are all either specialists or hav an intrest in the thing or hav had experiances with the topic etc) then grabbed another coffee and headed out to phill rodgers hair place to get my hair cut. After reading a full newspaper(the sun(only one there that wozn't been read)) and about a total of a 2hr waite i got my hair cut by the ace ventura lookin dude(not phil)  after that headed off to booths and grabbed a scotch egg(45p) and headed back home, made 2 sandwiches of ham n chickin paste stuff and a cool drink of iron brew with about 5 ice cubes in(finnished coke last night)  ate scotch egg + stuff oh yeah i woz attacked this morn on planetaion sustained minium casualtys but sent a retalitory strike and lost my entire fleet my planet is defenceless and its a state of emergency then i got a return strike and lost 100+ roids and 4mil ish in score which is jus REALY bad.anyway ate my lunch in the living room while watchin god what woz it? em what woz it? emmm sommat yes i remember it woz the Zenkhate matches (voyager episode in which 7of9 and Tuvok were abducted and made to fight in Zenkhate matches which were depending on the fight either till the enemy is unconsious or dead) good ep i remember when it woz on first time and around the same time an angel episode which woz similr woz on angel woz made to fight in some ring can't remember much els about it might find it on tape at some point. Anyway watched bits and pieces of tv all afternoon and neighbours at 5:35 not much happened cept harold decided to stay, then simpsons telemarketing one and the huracane one, then malcom in the middle rollerskate one then fresh prince of bel air the pre wedding party trapped in elivator one. Ok what hav i done after that? went online n chatted briefly with amy, discovered my fleet woz wiped out and started to rebuilt em chatted a bit on irc talked with jimmy and amy some more got a new aol nick altho not used it yet, and typicaly when zara came online i got dc/d and couldn't get reconnected wozn't related to the huge lack of speed i had before tho when i tried to set up some routing servers n stuff i jus don't know y it happened proberly one of those bt things so went and had a coffee and came back woz connected, zara might be able to come tomorrow which on one hand is realy good and on the other slightly scary but all in all we should all hav a fun time since it is a 18th birthday party oh yeah told mum i woz crashin at jimmy's house and she accepted it which i woz mildly surprised at, anyway a good party n alot of fun with my friends is definatly gonna be fun. Gonna revamp this entire site soon coz it needs it. its basicaly old borin useless n a mess. So gonna find a purpose to it cept jus this thing. woah its 01:56 time flys. ok what els am i plannin tonight? em gonna do 40 more presups lol helen is the 'slave' on big brother she and paul are gettin on REALY well, jus watchin it now. Josh woz evicted tonight. Oh yeah watched a southpark episode and an episode of the bill and even watched a bit of corinationstreet. I'm wonderin y helen is the slave woz it some bet she lost or sommat? i dunno anyway there won't be a log tomorrow or if there is one it won't be after 5pm ok i'm gonna hav to get to bed tonight soon coz i need sleep soon intrestin paul and helon are sleepin in the outside hut tomorrow oh well i'm jus gonna hav to catch up on it later but paul said gonna hav to get some sleep coz its gonna be a late night tomorrow in the hut and helon said y got something planned? and got no reacton so watch that space. oh well gonna maybe chat a bit more on irc n upload this page n go to bed after doin those 40 pressups. Night All!

14/07/01

Well i've got up late again and am realy plannin to stop doin that, em i've jus appeared on the net briefly before i get sorted for the party tonight, should be fun anyway am headin off now to get sorted.

15/07/01:partial log and 16/07/01:full

Okay, that woz one massive party proberly the most fun i've had in a while slept over at jimmy's hey and i never got drunk (well i did a lil bit durin the party itself with matt (we were gavin a massive laugh) but sobored up very quickly as in way before we left the hall) So i remember the entire night without any lapses which is alot more fun than gettin drunk and forgettin everythin, jimmy has a huge room well it looked a bit smaller in the morning i'll admit but he's got virtually the entire upper floor of his bungalow(which is basically the entire bungalow's ground floor surface area) Matt woz completly n totally wasted and in the morning woz burried under tonnes of bed covers which woz jus realy funny, nikkey went on the web a bit when she got back and in the morn, matt talked like the entire night until around 6am when he jus went dead and everyone els livened up a bit then everyone went flat around 7. Me zara and rachel and jamie(rachel's boyfriend) met up at the bus station on the way to the party i got there first followed by rachel + jamie then zara we hadn't a clue who we were waitin for coz someone woz ment to meet us, anyway back to the mornin, me zara and neil(mem) headed off to the bus stop at 11:20ish in the mornin (oh yeah we invaded andrew ashcroft's house(guy in my chem class) after we got off the bus on the way too the party)  and i waited at tehbus station for zara's bus to arrive then me and zara parted, i headed home grabbed a pizza at booths and ate that then fell asleep watchin the grand prix(i can't believe i did that!) luckaly i recored it so i watched it later, chatted with zara online today and a few other people, only 4 weeks left on planetarion before its all over wish it lasted longer but it gets borin coz everyone makes alliances and u can't attack anyone so it basically gets well borin. There woz a realy bad smell in the boy's bedroom on big brother today so all the guys r sleepin in the girls bed room, things between paul and helon are jus developin but not goin anyware paul is playin very very very cool infact if he keeps sayin that cool word i'm gonna kill him myself(j/k)i is off now, seya. Oh yeah and i can't believe i missed voyager again wel the first 10mins of it, this is gettin unblievable, me missin startrek? tbh tho i dinna like it as much as i used to, anyway, off now seya.

17/07/01

Sleep seems to be gettin less n less, hmm

18/07/01

Well time has blended and merged sleep seems to be jus a distant memory, em sleep? whats that, anyway stuff accomplished today em er um errrrrrrr yawn (hey that woz a yawn, things r lookin up) stuff done today em buffy, yeah i watched som buffy, listened to music, oh yeah and switched back to winme to find out if it woz jus win2k that didn't like my web cam or if the cam woz faulty, luckaly it woz jus win2k so i'm in winme now grrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRR anyway i am only in it coz i havn't bothered to restart to 2k the amount of dust that woz on that cam lol, so when i restart i'll be in 2k again(thats basically when it crashes) ok its like realy early in the morning (06:00) i realy should go to bed but er what the hell i dun feel tired again, god how long hav i been up? Oh yeah there woz this attack thing last night, i launched to attack a 2e5 galaxy with some people but they got jus way too much defence that would make a attack strike suicidal so i pulled, i pitty matt tho coz he woz left with 10k less ships and we were already 30k down, wozn't realy up for the attack anyway. OkAy, hey that woz another yawn jus then, em er oh yeah plkannin to go to town tomorrow getin nice and early i think n get a breakfast at mac donalds.

19/07/01

17:11

I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAAYYYTY Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i got the tape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the one i've been lookin for for absoluotly aGES i mean YAAAY back to the future 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like brilliant superb, a totally fantastic brilliantly supberb realy realy neat movie i'm so glad i've finally seen it and i've actually got the tape!!!!!!!!!!!!11 Ok am all excited now, i blame paul on big brother coz he woz workin him self up coz he thinks he's goin home tomorrow, but i jus watched back to the future 1 and its briilliant!!!yaay parents home gonna run downstairs brb! Ok calmed down now well a bit anyway, mum n dad r off to grandmas' tonight n got a tough decision a go to grandmas...............or b(more favourable option) watch back to the future 1 (maybe again) followed by 2 and 3 :D hmm this is a tuff one em i should realy be the good lil boy but em emmm Naaa back to the future :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD woah neighbours in <15mins (gotta fill in a few blanks from the past days(me been gettin a tad lazy) jus broke the news to mum bout me not goin she dun mind (phew) those bird things r back by the way, been unable to sleep like virtually at all alot jus lie awake at night, then get bored with lieiing awake so go back on net or read a book or even build this simulation thing i'm buildin which i'm almost completly certain i'll never finnish, i mean if i had the will power i could proberly make a good shot at it but i don't think even then that it would be what i want it to be, anyway wish me luck with it might work on it after akll the back to the future movies hav been run through tonight god i'm tempted to go n buy back to the future 2 and 3 in boxes jus so i can hav em all boxed, em ok more than tempted, ok convinced next time i go into town i'm buyin episodes 2 n 3 :D then i can watch em all again :P lol anyway realy gotta try n fill in these blanks(basicaly i need to add more details on the days) coz its 17:25 and i got 10mins before neighbors starts then i will sort out my back to the future tapes (thank god i labeled 2 and 3) n watch em. Oh yeah been up like the entire night again. Got tape at hmvb for 4.99 instead of 16.99 which woz lucky and had a jumbo breakfast at sommat like 2 oclock which woz 2 eggs, 2 bacon ,2 toast, 2 tomato(hmm), 1 fried bread, 2 potato things, beans, 2 saucages n some other stuff. Headin in to town around 11:00 ish got back around 3pm

20/07/01

well one heck of a friday, not done much, paul has been evicted from big brother house i expected it tho, don a realy small extra bit of work on this simulation thing that i have been building recently. Em date with zara commin up on saturday off to the movies, am nervous. Still haven't pinpointed whats causin my lack of sleep at night.

21/07/01

Remind me never to take a girl to the movies on the first date ever again, can't talk and if the movie sux it casts a huge shadow over everything, anyway still can not sleep which is jus a plain pain, went on irc to chat with some people tonight but mr chico wozn't particularly chatty at all and no one wanted to chat with me on dalnet so i went onto planetarionj's irc server and talked to ariel part of the night about various things, also chatted to zara about the date, basicaly thinkin of askin her someware next week or the week after, but not sure.

22/07/01

Ok sleep has returned altho too much its like all my strenght has completly gon + the entire willpower to stay awake when slighly tired, very anoyin not figured out what it is, grand prix next week not this week, should be fun also possible party on friday at mike harts house, should be fun asked zara and she says she will see.

23/07/01

Voyager missed again well a bit of it anyway but got the rest on tape, been watchin buffy season 1 again recon i'll hav been throught the entire season within 2 days, also started to play x-tension again(computer game like elite) Stayin up too late.

24/07/01

Well payed for it slept most of the day, suppose i could hav seen it comming since i stayed up for almost 2 days straight, oh well, what els? em zara still dun know if she can come on friday, not goin to aqua tonight, lookin forward to friday.

25/07/01(wednesday)

played x-tension alot today, woz gonna meet mum in town but ended up sleepin through it. Oh well. Em not done much els cept finnished all buffy season 1 and onto season 2 now. Realy gotta actually do something useful but am always tired. Chris rang at like 10pm and we tslked for about an hour on the phone, he's back from america oh yeah and been talkin to arran online for past few days he's got a new computer on cable internet. Anyway chris commin over tomorrow around 10pm gonna get early night, no problem here i woz feelin kinda tired anyway.

26/07/01(thursday)

Well had one heck of a day today, chris has a new laptop with gforce graphics card 900mhz p3 processor, 256mb ram 20gb hard drive and dvd, i wouldn't buy it myself coz i'm virtually broke now <£170 left(movies, and all dinners at dinner time killin all my money) watched robocop3 with chris on dvd while we worked on a computer,  also saw all chris's american holiday snaps on his laptop he has like hundreds of them, that hioliday looked alot of fun, i want to go to america some day. Maybe in the future after uni with a girl if i have a stable relationship by then, hope so. Ok what els? Dunno, em almost finnished the 1st cd of buffy, season 2 (would be on the 2nd by now but chris came around so didn't watch much buffy) went online and tried to find out about this party thing that i got an email off andy ashcroft from last night, em what els? oh yeah party at mikes on friday has been cancelled, oh well.

27/07/01(friday) 16:43

Well so far today i hav watched 3 buffy episodes gon to hospital for food(butter pie chips and beans(they hav that every friday(sad that i knoow that eh?))) Listenin to music now but woz gonna do some vb but loaded it up and closed it again me=lazy. em what els hav i done i woz gonna build up a computer from one of the hulks in the other room but decided against it after carryiong the huge 21 inch monitor inot my bedroom (which i can actually do now as in lift it clear off the floor and quite high in the air before i could barely lift it) anyway buffy distracted me coz i had it running on my compiter so decided to quit and go downstairs and watch a buffy episode well the rest of that one, drank a coffee and a coke and watched 2episodes(taking total total today up to 3) crazy i can't believe i watch all that oh yeah elizabeth has been voted out. ok what els hav i done?Coted for dean on big brother coz quite simply he is cool. Sommat is wrong with my athlon 500 but can't be bothered to sort it out, and finally found out y i hav been so tired recently:- its the coffee(or lack thereof) i have simply not been drinkin my usual amount which is quite disturbing becuase it proveds its an addiction but i usually drink like 5 cups a day minimal(an at least 3 of those are realy strong for everyone els's taste) But i hav only been drinkin like 1 or 2 cups a day, i figured it out coz i've been drinkin more coffee today on account of me being downstairs and near the kiction watchin buffy.(sad case eh? had  been upstairs most of the day i would hav been too lazy to actually bother making a cup(which is very woryin coz i'm seriously not usualy this lazy must be the holiday and lack of stuff to do or somethin well plannin to do something tonight altho i aint got a clue in the world what i'm planning to do i want to build a realy neat space colony game or some command and conquer game but i ain't got a gui (graphical user interface) for direct draw or direct 3d and its way too much like hard work to do it. and i don/tw want to use vb coz programs that biug tend to get realy messy i want to use borland bulder 4 but it aint installed and its gonna take ages to find the cd and install so am not gonna do that, also this simulation thing is just way too complex to think about i realy can't think through it at the moment so i jus want to stay away from it, but its REALY anoyin  i jus want to create something but i don't have the necessary tools or knowlage (mainly tools) to actually do it, i'm thinking of loadiung up my old sup program i build ages ago and re-structureing it into a workable useable game altho its almost their now or whenever it woz i last messed with it but its jus way too old and way tooo messy to seriouslyt giv it a go, same for warsim and that lot, if i am gonna build a game its gonna hav to be in builder or vb if its in builder NOT direct draw and if it is in vb maybe direct draw but its realy hard to mess with the gui side and i don't know how to put windows controls onto a direct draw surface and honestly can't be bothered with all the messing nbecessary to fiund out + i don't have msdn installed at least i don't think i sdo i am gonna have to check anyway i anm gonna go now before i bereak the keybn=oard with the speed io am typing so i'm off seya.

28/7/01 Sat

Done nothin much cept watch buffy n stuff.

29/7/01 sun

same here cept tried to upload my 3d website i built today but kept gettin dc/d

30/7/01 mon

very good ep of voyager tonight woz fantastic

31/7/01 tues

afk

01/7/01 wed

afk

02/7/01 thurs

03/7/01 fri

Went out to andy's birthday party at pu and altho gave them my id when reciting the date out got it completly wrong said 83 instead of 82.....woops. Went down to withy trees n got another drink, me lisa and zara + andy were there. after that me and lisa and zara went to the pub in town(the exchange) and andy and claire who came late went home or somethin. I met lisa's friende woody who owns the pub there (well his dad does) and i playyed him twice at pool and lost both times. Chatted with zara alot and chatted with woody his team for pne 7 a side lost 7 nil to a team a division up. Got home in a taxi with the owners of the pub around midnight. well half past midnight. All in all a good day had 2 bottles of blue wkd today woz nice could cope with them. Came back a lil light headed  but otherwise ok.

04/7/01 sat

05/7/01 sun

14/6/02 Friday 02:15

Well its been an interesting year i'm sitting here at 02:19am about 6hrs40mins before an exam is supposed to start of which i dont realy stand a chance of even getting an E unless god interveins (doubt it). I cant get to sleep, altho i admit i'm feeling more tired now i've got up and started to write this. Whenever I try and sleep more and more often my mind wanders back to the past, back to me and Emma and all the fun times we had, how we met and our first date at the movies. My mind also falls back to last year at Geneva where things where so much different i was 17 and totaly inexperienced with worldy matters, i thought i was very mature but god was i wrong. I've changed so very much from then. Most for the better, I've found a solid mate called Mark (or woody whom i'd just met in my last entry) Claire's going out with him btw but thats another story. Me and andy ash have pretty much drifted away, and through some unfortunate circumstances in my earlier life chances of happiness with Zara are pretty much 0(altho i am unsure about my current feelings to her) Things where looking up and up. I had a great 18th party in aqua with a sleepover and had a good christmass and newyear at the exchange. The first few months where good too but recently i've been brooding and becoming more reclusive, getting down. Its a huge effort to drag myself out at all anymore and i'm back into watching long hours of buffy on DVD. I'm ok sometimes when i'm with mark or claire or both but its largly just a front. Only time it slipped realy was in aqua once on a tuesday when dave was there. I felt so seperated and detatched from everything. Now all i seem to be able to do is brood over the past, over things I have done wrong, things that might have been. If only i had been more alive when i took Zara out to the movies or if only I had found a way to stop emma moving or if only i didnt have a disasterous weekend at geneva where i pretty much lost all face to Zara and a few other people. Yeah i've changed massivly since then i dont know who's noticed but i know i have. Pretty much whats keeping me going now is buffy and my renewed interest in weights since my left wrist is able to lift them once more (severly sprained it in aqua a few months back). I also find myself literaly unable to function without coffee anymore. It may sound stupid but i realy dont have the will to do hardly anything without a kickstart anymore since there realy isnt much reason behind anything. I've been revising heavily for Stats 4 on tuesday but even if i get 99% its doubtful whether i'll get an E in maths. I think i've worked out everything and i should be able to get into Lancashire Uni but i realy dont kno whats going to happen. I somewhat fear the summer holidays about 10weeks of pretty much nothing, nothing to focus on apart from goin out a few times a week, nothing to gain, nothing to aim for. If i ever needed something or some reason to pull back together from brooding its now. I just feel myself slipping more and more every day. Suppose the bonus of never updating my log means no-one'll read this for about a year heh, i dont kno if i want anyone to read it nor do i know if i am going to post it. I dont know why i am stuck thinking over the past and mistakes, maybe i find some comfort in it but its becomming a living hell slowly. I lied in bed for what seemed like ages trying to get to sleep and all my mind could do was think about Emma, geneva, zara, my birthday, mistakes and many more things. I find myself having many more nites where i simply turn back n forth and find it hard to get to sleep. This night proberly one of the worst yet. Maybe I'm fixated on the past because i see nothing for me now in the present, i may be simply lonely but i realy dont know. My feelings are more pounderous and if not that more hateful and full of rage over what i dont know than joyful and happy. A good example was today on the bus back from a contact lense checkup, downstairs was full and i ended up upstairs i'd retreated into a game of tetris on my mobile and died somewhere near the roundabout on the way up past the spar on the 23 bus route when the bus stopped and picked up alot of school kids who went upstairs and sat near me. They started chatting about stupid things and basicaly acting immature and i was literaly gritting my teath to avoid hitting them especialy when some first years from fulwood high came along. Needless to say i was happy to get off that bus altho i must have been shooting daggers at them with my eyes when i went downstairs. I dont know where those feelings come from but they are there eating away at me. I'm just pretty much empty feeling down thoughtful and comtemplative and alot quiter than usual or i'm biting my lip to prevent lashing out at someone verbally or physicaly. Luckaly i've not done the 2nd one too my knowlage and my verbal outbursts are restrained enough most of the time as to be mistaken for some other meaning but i dont see the point in much. Immediate short term goal is pass stats 4. Pray i get the right results with other exams and get into uni. Other long term goal however pretty weak is to keep doin my weights(gee a reason to live). My life just seems empty and without meaning right now i'm doing it again i'm thinkin of words i have said and mistakes i've made its like a curse. Worse still is when i get to sleep my dreams have been more recently about Emma, nothing sexual just situations we have been in, illusions of seeing her in preston, avoiding her or not talking to her, trying to find words or trying not to kill her. Even normal dreams have her in someware. I even called her house late monday nite well tuesday morning. around 2am, deutch courage i suppose heh. well her mum answered and i hung up. she 1471'd and called me back and i just said i'd pressed the wrong button. I know i need to speak to her again if only to put to try and put to rest some of the inner demons that have arison. I suppose she's the lucky one been younger and altho i would never have admitted it when i was going out with her because i realy dont see it when i was with her or maybe its because i've moved on alot since then but she was alot less emotionaly developed because of the age difference. Well thats how i see it, she's lucky because her feelings of love wouldnt have run as deep as mine would have and i doubt she's given me much thought in the past year let alone last week, while i still remain stuck partly in the past with her. I dont deny i still have feelings for her, maybe it was the way i broke off our relationship that the hate and rage thats been growing inside me stems from, the way i did it in what could only be classed as the most hurtful and most immature way. Maybe all the anger is directed at her and not the way i broke it off, i realy dont know. I do know i've got to call her at some point soon and that might solve some of my problems. I realy do need to call her, i just cant bring myself to do it i mean what would i say? U still have feelings about me or have u been lucky?(yeah that'll go down well) do i even have that kind of feelings towards her or is it all twisted with regret, anger, mistakes, problems and worries. Maybe i am just looking for a quick fix in her like ring her up and ur problems will evaporate. Either way i dont know what things will be like in say a month or two. Maybe i'm been a bit dramatic(i hope so) but the way things are going and the way i'm feeling recently unless things change i realy cant see things looking good at all that far ahead. I fear its only a matter of time before i hurt one of my friends or become a virtual recluse. The one thing that keeps me going so much is also whats killing me. My now complete and total obsession with buffy and angel. It may seem sad but i seem to find some comfort in the shows, i enjoy watching even tho they arnt real. They might as well be because they feel pretty much real with me. Could be the way they parallel some things that have happened to me. The way i cant move on completly from Emma and angel cant move on from buffy but the way buffy easily moved on and so i presume has emma. Or maybe i'm just looking into the stories too deep. Enough about buffy and angel already eh? I dont even find solace in music anymore since my tastes have literaly dropped 99% from tasteful cheary bands like garbage and old dance music and to a degree manic street preachers and most of my top half of my playlist to the more deeper Cradle of Filth, Nine Inch Nails, Deaside(spelt that one wrong), and damn right depression onces like nickel's:stupid thing and Nickel: 1000 nights. I can find no relief no path to follow that is not down and i feel myself slipping further just about every day. I hoped this chat would empty my head of thoughts but it is 03:06 and still my mind's full of words the past, Jimmy's 18th where me and Zara kissed, a few days later when i was so cold and withdrawn that i spoilt it all. Andy ash's party's where i kept throwing up in august last year later found out that was coz of WKD(i realy cant stomach the stuff at all anymore). Stupid incidents like been totally pissed at the numen student do and falling down a ditch which may have been 'funny' but it made me look like an idiot to the people who mattered. And geneva once more and that fateful nite with which i dont even want to talk about but it once again included Zara and i totally botched things even more then and i wasnt even considering her anything more other than a close friend but i still messed up chances of future. Me and emma at castlerigg, we did have a good time there. The night i heard about emma's dad's plans to move to scotland while i was in cypris which until now i havnt told anyone else about but then i knew i was going to loose her and well i havnt been so drunk(with the exception of the ditch)   since. Altho as a bonus i havnt lost any friends recently over things like what happened in cypris :| . If only i could change things. That stupid time in the cinema where i was like an iceblock not even putting my arm around her until the very end. I dont know what my problem was then i realy cant remember but i would do it differently if i could go back now. I think i even loved her at one point, i might still do but my feelings are way too screwed up to tell. Well fate ticks closer, my exam that i'm going to fail gets nearer. At least i've got general studies exam in the afternoon which i hope to god i do well on since my hopes rest on it so please i've realy got to do well on this :( or i can kiss goodbye to university. And while your at it please open a light on the immediate future so i can see the way to go on, speak to the people i need to and maybe try and re-patch things with other people more closer to home. I dont know what i'm going to do tomorrow. Proberly exam(well 2 cups of coffee to even think about getting about the house first), followed by lunch at hospital and coffee moca. Then home coffee, chapter 4 revision, 'relaxing'(yeah right the min my brains not distracted it drops back to brood mode :| ) bath then out to face the 'world' again for marks now futile football matches since they havnt won since i met him. Altho i'm sure they will do soon. They've gotta win havnt they? Then proberly back into the old pattern which has now got well worn in of going to the exchange briefly then back to the bull for about 5 pints of blackthorn(i still cant stomach that stuff properly makes me feel a bit ill after 4 altho i've never thrown up from the stuff. I dont like dry cider much) and a few pints of worthys. Then i'll walk home with mark possibly a bit more chirpier than before like i do sometimes either that or more depressed which also happens sometimes. usualy depends on what happens at the bull. Then i'll probrly sit on irc for 4mins or so and goto bed. Drag up at midday or maybe earlier and go watch the england match? then home for more revision? Then bull for last orders?. Oh boy. Now my eyes are sore and i'm having trouble seeing the damn screen i'm still not tired tho. my minds still active and it isnt the caffine since i havnt had a drink of coffee for at least 6hrs. Never used to prevent me sleeping before anyway doubt it does now somehow since some nites(now getting fewer and further between) i just drift off. Anyway i'll retire back to bed, nope sarah's not on i was gonna have a rant to her then if she was. oh wel. yeah i'll go back to bed. Gonna upload this page tho coz it might get lost on my computer. I cant say writing this helped alot but it might have helped a bit. I sill wont be calling emma without drinking about half a bottle of vodka before hand, heh maybe sometime i'll get it sorted and make that last call to her that i know i need to do. Signing off 03:26 Michael Mc Alea. 14th june 2002.

Daily Log 14/6/02- Friday 11:29

Feeling better today, dunno why maybe it was my rant last nite. Not feeling like hitting any schoolkids(not that i would anyway). Finally crashed at about 5am this morning woke up at 7am quite happy that i had 40more minutes before my alarm went off to just doze but before i could blink my alarm had gone off, must have dropped off to a deep sleep or sommat. Mum came in shortly after with some weak coffee and egg on toast(she usualy brings me breaky nowadays during exam times to wake me up). I set my alarm for 8:30 and planned a doze. Unfortunatly i lost the interceding 30-40 mins and before i knew it it was 8:30. Oh well. Literaly fell down the stairs and put the kettle on then went back upstairs to get changed after spending an age to find sommat to wear. Grabbed sky reciever from upstairs and went downstairs to make my coffee then sat down infront of the TV and watched the last 5minutes of saved by the bell on Nick Replay. Grabbed a pint of milk and downed that in about 5more minutes. Went upstairs had a wash etc then grabbed my stuff and went out for the exam. Saw claire outside with a hot chocolate and chatted briefly to her. Went into my exam room MF13B it was the guy with the white beard overseeing. Everyone else in the room(i thought i was gonna be alone) was doing some wird exam i dont know and some where doing history. I was the only one doing maths. Struggled through the exam altho my writing was strangly excellent. Got about 7-15marks tops out of 60. Every mark counts. Had a quick look over past log entry's and was i realy that stupid and dumb? I mean come on look at some of the lame trek names i had. Oh yeah for the record Enterprise is CRAP and i've missed at least 1/2 of the season due to lack of interest. *stretch* *yawn* Well chatted to claire after the exam then walked back home in the semi drizzley rain. Had that nationwide building society song in my head for the past dayish and that 1992(was it only that year?) olympic song(not the barcelona song) its getting irritating. Definatly seem happier than usual dunno why since i've got the weekend of revision to look forward to followed by a week full of exams. Oh well. I skipped the hospital meal thing due to earlyness and rain. Gotta be back at college by about 1:45 coz general studies exams start at 2. *fingers crossed. Ok now i'm feeling tired. Well going to head off to grab sommat to eat that's gonna last me the day. Then i'll proberly watch some buffy or sommat b4 i go back to college.

15/6/02 19:18

Well England won 3 0, which is good. General studies exams were what i thought was easy. Been to the pub today to watch the england game with claire. dan couldnt make it. claire's not out tonite but i'm out around town with mark then back to the bull. it should be fun. Still feeling a bit chipper but i've not had any coffee all day so i've been unable to get much revision done. i cant be bothered to make the trip downstairs! (yeah i kno ur thinking 'lazy sod') Been to booths today too and got a various soft drinks and milkshakes. Not much else has happened. Last nite found out the bull dosent serve black velvets(cider and guiness) :( oh well. Drank tonnes last nite but wasnt more than a bit tipsy. Went to bed about an hour after i got back from marks. Had an interesting convo at the bull about eyesight and long sited ness and short sighted ness. Ok thats about all currently slouched on the chair bored tired and brain dead lol. Tomorrow plan: drink coffee in morning(lots) and revise like hell.

16/6/02 - 17/6/02 01:00ish

Day spend revising stats 4 and messin with bridge commander mods. Mark spoke to Emma and said she sounded like a blonde. GRR i dreampt about her last nite again :| its so hot :|.

18/6/02 0:33 - Monday

Blergh. Biology module 5 i think today. got up earlyish n watched 5mins of saved by the bell with a coffee once i got ready like i did on fri. think it went well. i could have done better with revision tho. Didnt get much sleep last nite. I couldnt sleep. went to bed around 2 and just tossed n turned just couldnt get to sleep :| brain too active thinkin bout stuff n exams dont help. Gonna try and get some sleep in a min or 20. Been revising stats on my bed to rammstein durin the early aft then got WELL stressed over a question that after a bath i realised was a test statistic one(i'd never have thought). then got stressed over a question that Dave my maths teacher turned out to have gotten wrong. Was listinin to garbage coz it puts me in a better mood. Did some stats while talkin to claire on irc(stretched my keyboard cord a bit tho :|) its slowly curlin back to its right size. Everything stacked back onto junk piles now i kno what most of em are tho and it aint as bad as it usualy is. Claire's commin round tomorrow for a last ditch stats topup and if i fail then :| well i'm out tonite if i do........ Gonna try and get some sleep in a min. i have realy gotta call it at some point. minds dwelling on things. maybe after my stats(if it goes well).

26th of june 2002 12:23 Wednesday

Well, had a gr8 nite last nite with dave, mark and claire. Things have looked up recently as in i'm feelin better. I havent done much in the past few days, nothin to be done. have  a physics exam on thursday and thats it. Mark and claire seem to be back together which is good. Had a gr8 nite on saturday went out around town with claire and together drank way too much. Altho i fell asleep on the couch when i got back to claires and missed the movie :| altho it was around 3am which explains it :P. We ended up at the top of the bus carpark after finding that the coffee bar (the zoo) was closed. Then headed home. Went through a tonne of shooters tho but never had the orgasm(they had run out) heh, had to settle for more foreplay(which is never bad). Well mornings are mornings and this one's quite dull i could do with eatin sommat soon aint eaten out in 24hrs save a crisp i nicked from mark. Stats went well had a good time revising and it proved VERY useful for the exam. Still havnt called it i just cant see the point in callin it anymore.All in all things are lookin good.